Kara's Online Journal

Shalom everyone!

Well, this week went pretty well. We looked at the site where we're planning to keep Passover, and it's pretty nice. There are some things that need to be worked out that are pretty important, but I know Yahweh has it all under control

Last time, I discussed the things we can do to show we love our friend, to care about them, and who we choose for a friend, ect. This week, I'll continue this article--this time talking about being loyal to our friend, correcting our friend, as well as accepting correction, and also confronting our friends. 

One thing that I believe is really, really important in a friendship, is to be a tight confidant. If you say you won't tell anyone anything, don't tell anyone. Keep your word. Even the scriptures say in Proverbs the importance of it:

Proverbs 11:13 "A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter."

Proverbs 12:23 "A prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims foolishness."

Proverbs 16:28 "A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends."

Proverbs 17:9 "He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends."

If our friend tells us they're struggling in an area, we don't need to go spread it to the world! I wouldn't like it if I told my friend I was struggling in an area, and they went and told all their friends. When it came back to me, I don't know if I would want to be friends with that person I told anymore (Though I certainly should go to them about it, and forgive them). If I am told a secret, and they ask me to keep it between us, it wouldn't hurt to do so--unless their salvation or physical safety is at stake. In that case, I would only tell their parents, and not all my friends. I don't need to get everyone into it. 

Now the hard part of a friendship: Correction.

I admit, for me, it's hard to give or recieve correction. It's probably easier to give, but sometimes I get too sensitive and don't want to correct my friend for fear of hurting them, or them not liking me anymore. That, though, could be good, and could be bad. In the good, it could make me alot more careful and gentle when I do correct them, or keep me from unnecessary correction. In the bad, it could prevent me from correcting when I really need to correct.

Correction needs to be done humbly, gently, and kindly, with a great sensitivity to their pain. I need to know my friend enough to read their face and know if I hurt them with my correction. For example...(not a really serious case) if I had a friend that annoyed my mom by not doing the dishes right or whatever, I shouldn't come up and say, "Oh, you never do those dishes right. You're really getting on my mom's nerves, now. Watch me--this is how you do it..." No! I'm sure they would be really hurt and be like, "Okay, whatever, Kara. I'll just leave you and your mom's kitchen alone--you can do it!" (*chuckles*)

What I should do, is go to her and say, "You know, that's really nice that you help me out with the dishes, I really appreciate that. Could you please put those cups in this cabinet right here, instead of right next to the plates?" Or, offer to do the part she's not doing right, and she can watch me to see how I do it. That would be silent correction by my example. 

Not only do we need to give correction right, but accept correction right. Let's say I was in the shoes of the friend I corrected wrong, and she comes to me, saying "Oh, you never do those dishes right. You're really getting on my mom's nerves now, Kara! Move over--I'll do it. Just watch me," I could either retort back with, "Okay fine! Do your dishes...I'm not going to help anymore!" Or I could bite my tongue and watch quietly, taking the pain patiently.

Number one, the first reaction wouldn't do any good--rather, it would cause much harm! And number two, it would just cause strife between me and my friend, not to mention possibly me and her mom! The second reaction, might not seem to do any good, but at least there's no strife between my friend and I (or her mom and I), and I could come to her later when she's not so upset and confront her about how she hurt me. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."  It works!!

I also need to be careful not to get so bent out of shape when I'm corrected--kindly, or unkindly. (That's something I really need to work on!) If my friend corrects me, she's not telling me how bad of a person I am, but she's trying to show me a better way to do something. Though sometimes she may attack me as a person, I should patiently take it and pray about it, or confront her later. 

Now, when my friend hurts me or wrongs me, I believe I have two options; I could confront her, and tell her how--in a gentle, humble way--she has hurt or wronged me. Or, I could take the pain patiently, and forgive her. If I do confront her, and she apologizes, I need to accept that and forgive her. If she doesn't apologize, and it turns out I'm wrong, I need to be humble enough to willingly accept that and apologize. If she doesn't apologize, or admit wrong, but justifies herself, I believe I should just accept it, and forgive her.

If it's serious enough, Yahushua gave a thorough explanation in Matthew chapter 18...first, go to my friend, and if she doesn't repent, take a trustworthy person with me to go to my friend again. If she still doesn't repent, well, take the whole assembly. And if that is to no avail, then, well, she's no longer a believer. Like I said, I believe this is for very serious occasions! Not every occasion is serious enough where it's a horrible sin toward another person where one might have to be kicked out of the assembly.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8b gives a pretty good definition of true love:

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

Is there a friend out there that's the perfect definition of love? Not on planet earth. But there is Someone who is our Friend who's the definition of love: Yahushua.  He is the ultimate friend.

There are also other places in the scriptures where friendship is mentioned:

Psalms mentions friendship in chapter 15 verse 3, saying who shall dwell in Yahweh's tabernacle:

"He who does not backbite with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor does he take up a reproach against his friend."

Proverbs also makes mention of a friendship type relationship several times:

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

Proverbs 18:24 "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Proverbs 27:6 "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."

Proverbs 27:9 "Ointment and perfume delight the heart, and the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel."

A friend is a great treasure; a wonderful thing to have. I love all of my friends, (which Yahweh has blessed me with many!) and though I'm not the perfect friend (I don't expect them to be either ), I still try to fulfill my place in our friendship I pray Yahweh Bless you and all of your friends as you walk in His ways this coming week! Shabbat Shalom!

A fellow servant, Kara 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 "Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."