ABUSE Part 2, Verbal Abuse of Children.

Verbal Abuse of Children

This is the second part of a multi part series on the topic of abuse.

In the first segment, we examined the importance of accountability as a way to resolve abuse, the English and the Hebraic definitions of abusive behavior, and the danger of someone being given absolute power.

Yahweh hates it when we take advantage of another person’s disadvantage. Yahweh Himself is hurt when we choose to abuse others, and violence can actually be committed with our mouths.

Bearing false witness or falsely accusing someone is actually considered to be a type of violence that hurts Yahweh Himself.

Imagine for a moment that Yahweh came to you in a vision and pointed out a particular man in your community to whom He was going to give permanent amnesia.

All his past memories were to be permanently erased. In this vision, you were commissioned to care for this man and to teach him all he needs to know about the ways of Yahweh. You would be entrusted with this man’s salvation, with how he views the world and how he views Yahweh.

How seriously would you take this responsibility? Would you ignore it and find other things to do or would you pour your heart and soul into this effort? Assuredly I say to you, that if you are a parent, you have been entrusted with this responsibility. But this isn’t a man from the community that you are being entrusted with, it is your own children. 

We’re going to take a closer look at the topic of verbal abuse, especially the verbal abuse of children in our care. 

Possibly more than in any other relationship, the following verse is very applicable when it comes to how parents talk to their children:

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.

It’s amazing what damage our words can do. It can indeed be a matter of life or death. Our words can lead our children down the path of despair, hopelessness and even suicide. Or our words can lead our children to the Promised Land.

Death and Life are in the power of the tongue.

If we have a problem with anger, if we have a problem keeping our emotions in check and our spirit under control, that is where words of death tend to come out. Deadly poison

Proverbs 25:28  Whoever has no rule over his own spirit Is like a city broken down, without walls.

A city broken down, without walls, is a city that is vulnerable. Enemies can come in at will and wreak havoc and destruction. So it is with someone who cannot rule his own spirit. The enemy comes in and uses the person like a person uses a sword, to cut, tear down and destroy the people around them.

It is one of the works of the flesh, which, if we practice, can send us to the lake of fire:

Galatians 5:19-21 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness,
 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies,
 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of Elohim.

There is a deception associated with anger, a deception that tempts a person to resort to it again and again. The deception of anger is this:

IT WORKS

It often may result in you getting what you want. People who have a less dominant and more submissive personality tend to bow to your demand, whatever it might be, and rather than deal with a temper tantrum and all the drama associated with it, just let you have your way.

All the while, in the mind of the person who has the anger issue, he may feel justified in using his anger to get what he wants… especially if he believes that what he wants is the right thing to be done.

This is one reason why the habit is so hard to break. Helping someone who has unresolved anger issues can be a real challenge at times, as the Proverb says:

Proverbs 19:19   A man of great wrath will suffer punishment; For if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.

But while it may work to alter the behavior of the people around you, it also works to damage your relationship with those same people around because they live in fear of the angry person and the hurtful words spoken in their wrath, also known as verbal abuse. 

It also places them in an environment of oppression because they are being controlled by pain, the hurtful words.

It places them in a very difficult spot because on one hand no one likes being controlled, on the other hand the hurtful words make it difficult for them to not respond with hurtful words of their own, or at least try to defend themselves if they feel that they are being misjudged. But then, because of the anger issues, it only results in even more hurtful words being spoken by the one with anger issues. 

It is an environment of oppression, plain and simple. It is also one reason why it’s outlawed in scripture even to the point of the angry person possibly even losing their salvation because they are willing to regularly practice wrath.

It’s not something to take lightly. It’s serious. Verbal abuse is very serious matter. 

Proverbs 29:22 An angry man stirs up strife, And a furious man abounds in transgression.

Proverbs 15:18 A wrathful man stirs up strife, But he who is slow to anger allays contention.

Ecclesiastes 7:7-9 Surely oppression destroys a wise man’s reason, And a bribe debases the heart.
 8 The end of a thing is better than its beginning; The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.
 9 Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools.

Scripture also says that those who practice strife will not inherit life. While using hurtful words in anger may get the person what they want initially.. like all sin there is a consequence to follow:

Proverbs 22:8 He who sows iniquity will reap sorrow, And the rod of his anger will fail.

You see, Yahweh does not want other people to change simply because they are fearing what an angry person might do. Yahweh wants us to change and do the right thing out of our own free will and volition. Eventually the rod of anger will fail, because it doesn’t change their heart. It only oppresses them to the point of where they choose to bow to your will.

That’s not the way you lead someone to righteousness.

James 1:20  for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of Elohim.

And that’s the problem with control… 

When we see someone doing wrong, it is our natural tendency to want to see this stop. This is especially true if the wrong is being done to us.

This can lead to a desire to control the other person and more forcefully prevent them from doing the wrong. Then, if we have scripture on our side, we may feel even more emboldened to oppress the other person into stopping what they are doing. But seeking to control others, even if we do think we have scripture on our side, does not sanctify what is often just a selfish motive. 

I understand though. We want the person to stop doing wrong, which is good, but trying to control the other person is where it goes awry.

Homes are destroyed by two people trying to control each other. The strife that comes out of two parents trying to control each other, even if each of them think it’s for the greater good that the other person changes, creates a home atmosphere that often causes children to want to jump ship as soon as they are old enough to do so.

The truth is there really is only one person in this world we can control—ourselves. And that’s lifetime challenge, through a having the right relationship with Yahushua. The desire to control others is how cults get started. 

You don’t have to join a cult to be in one. You can have a cult going on right there in your own house. The husband could be controlling his wife, and/or the wife could be controlling her husband.

When Yahushua saw the evils we have done, He did not seek to control us and force us to do the right things. He sought to love us. He set an example of love and service that inspires us.

Yes, the day will come when the entire world will be accountable to commands of Yahweh, or they will face punishment.

But at this time, He is calling people to willingly choose to be under His command. If that’s what He wants, that’s what we must also want.

So it is important that we, as believers, respect the fact that we are each individually Yahweh’s workmanship. Yes, Yahweh can use us to help one another, but in a way the builds up and encourages… not in a way that tears down and controls.

Now it is true that there are people in this world who are permitted by Yahweh to control others. Government authorities are permitted to control people by administering punishment to evildoers. Evildoers don’t want to go to prison, but they are forced to do so.

This only takes place, however, when the person is inflicting serious harm on others. They may go to prison, they may have to pay a fine, they may have to do community service.

Yahweh has given this job to governmental authorities:

Romans 13:4-6  For he is Elohim’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is Elohim’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil.
 5 Therefore you must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience’ sake.
 6 For because of this you also pay taxes, for they are Elohim’s ministers attending continually to this very thing.

And he has also given it to parents:

Deuteronomy 8:5 “You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so Yahweh your Mighty One chastens you.

Proverbs 29:15  The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 22:15   Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.

So he does grant parents the ability to control their children. This is for their benefit, to instill in them good habits, habits that will make it easier for them as adults to make the right choice. 

With that ability to control comes a tremendous responsibility to manage it in a proper way. Sometimes children can really test our ability to walk in the Spirit. Maybe that’s why Yahweh made them so cute and precious. 

When it comes to parenting, we must not only walk in the Spirit in terms of exhibiting gentleness, longsuffering, patience and self-control, we also must be very careful to be wise judges that administer discipline and correction in ways that will correct their behavior without damaging their hearts.

Like a surgeon, we want to use the sword of Yahweh’s word to cut out the thorns, but not damage the heart in the process.

It is extremely important that parents use the principles of righteous judgment when correcting and guiding their children. So often I have seen parents misjudge their children’s actions and intentions, and punish them, or speak angry words at them when in reality the parents themselves were falsely accusing, listening to accusing spirits rather than the Spirit of Yahweh.

This is a very oppressive environment to live in. As I shared in the last segment, a false witness is someone who commits violence with their mouth. 

Proverbs 10:11 The mouth of the righteous is a well of life, But violence covers the mouth of the wicked.

Proverbs 10:6  Blessings are on the head of the righteous, But violence covers the mouth of the wicked.

As I said, in human relationships, it’s very oppressive when someone accuses you of things that are not true, and then even spread the false accusation to others, thereby sowing discord among brethren.

Yahweh hates discord and strife. The word translated “strife” is actually rooted in the Hebrew word for “Judge.” The contentious person is often judgmental in their attitudes and words. 

In life overall, false accusation can come disguised as a friend. A friend that will protect you from harm. But it is no friend. It destroys relationships.

Here is how accusation often works:

  1. A person has been shocked by the character of others who have turned on them and hurt them.
  2. The hurt person resolves in their heart to not be hurt again.
  3. The hurt person then views others with more suspicion, causing them to be “quick to accuse.”
  4. The hasty accusations means that a proper and thorough evaluation is usually not done, especially if a person believes they have the gift of “discerning spirits”
  5. An otherwise good relationship is destroyed by the tendency of the hurt person to think and speak evil of others.

A person can very easily become bitter in this way at their own teenage child. This is a great danger and snare that we cannot allow ourselves to fall into.

Another motive for false accusation is to deflect one’s own guilt. Here is how it works:

  1. A person has unresolved guilt in their heart, or a poor sense of self-worth
  2. When a person is confronted with their wrong behavior, they “turn the tables” in an effort to not feel the guilt.
  3. The desire to deflect wrongdoing results in a higher likelihood of hurling out accusations that are not true.

The above is most common during arguments. One person accuses another person, and they both get into accusing each other of things that are either half-truths or simply untrue. This results in a lot of hurt and pain.

Thus, in both instances, people are relying on oppression or verbal abuse to resolve their inner feelings.

Regardless of the reason, the end result is sin. And sin such as this can cause a person to come under judgment.

Isaiah 30:12-13 Therefore thus says the Holy One of Israel: “Because you despise this word, And trust in oppression and perversity, And rely on them,
 13 Therefore this iniquity shall be to you Like a breach ready to fall, A bulge in a high wall, Whose breaking comes suddenly, in an instant.

A tendency to practice this in relationships with other adults can lead a person to do the same to their children.

For example:

  • The parent feels his/her authority is under question, so they assert themselves by being quicker to accuse the child of wrongdoing without having proper proof.
  • Parent is in a hurry, or busy, so they don’t take the time to properly evaluate the situation. So they falsely accuse and discipline the child without proper evidence.

Failing to practice the proper principles of judgment results in verbal abuse. It is the use of violence with our mouth to falsely accuse someone. But we must be righteous and fair in all matters of judgment.

Proverbs 17:15 He who justifies the wicked, and he who condemns the just, Both of them alike are an abomination to Yahweh.

Our goal and prayer should be that we take an unbiased look at the information provided and judge fairly and righteously. This is especially true when it comes to parenting.

The following are some principles of righteous judgment that we need to use:

  • Multiple Witnesses are needed, but be aware that unlike in ancient times, false witnesses go unpunished, and probably can make a lot of money with their lies via books, media, etc.(Deut. 18:18-19)
  • Don’t judge by appearance only (John 7:24)
  • Never assume guilt by association
  • Both sides of each and every matter must be thoroughly investigated with equal diligence (Deut. 18:18-19).
  • Don’t assume suspicion is “discerning of spirits.” Be humble enough to acknowledge that your suspicions do not equal guilt. 
  • Be willing to accept the fact that in some cases you cannot know whether someone is innocent or guilty. If the Heavenly Father wants you to know the answer, He will provide the proof.
  • If you can’t come to a conclusion, be willing to say “inconclusive” or “not enough evidence to prove anything” even if something doesn’t “seem right.” A pile of unproven suspicions still adds up to zero proof.
  • Fear/anxiety/bitterness cannot have any influence on your verdict. 
  • Respect of persons cannot have any influence on your verdict. Whether you already view them already as good/evil/rich/poor, whatever.
  • Be aware that each case must stand on its own, with its own merits. Even of a person is guilty of something the first time, it doesn’t mean they are guilty of it a second time.

It is so important that we follow these principles of righteous judgment. We first practice this in our household, which helps us to develop this habit in other relationships as well.

A failure to do this results in a many, many problems among us. A failure to follow these principles results is why some believe in unproven conspiracy theories while others are more reserved. A failure to follow these principles results in broken or strained relationships among brethren, it divides congregations when certain people are disfellowshipped without proper proof. It results in contention between husbands and wives, as the husband and wife cut each other…only to have the children bleed. And it results in hurt and confused children who are subjected to the abuse of false accusations, yet are defenseless and powerless to do anything about it as they are punished for things they never did wrong.

Now, probably all parents have misjudged situations at times and we want to believe that we do our very best to judge matters correctly and rightly. It can be a challenge.

But there are some parents who do not exhibit the proper principles of righteous judgment because they lack a fear of Elohim in this area, not realizing that Yahweh is holding them accountable.

Such parents mistreat their children by intimidating them. They see the verses in the bible that give permission for us to spank our children, and use those verses to beat up rather than train up their children in the training and admonition of Yahweh..

If our only training technique is bullying.. if our only training technique is “I’m stronger and bigger than you, that’s why…” we are oppressing our own children rather than really training them.

If our training involves out-yelling, out-intimidating, out-angering our children.. we are actually training them to walk in the flesh by our example. For if our training involves anger… we fail to remember that:

Jam 1:20 ..the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of Elohim.

I’ve been guilty of getting angry or irritated, and probably all of us have. But this is what leads to verbal abuse, or letting corrupt words proceed out of our mouths.

Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

All children fail, even we as adult children fail. And we should not take it personally when our children do fail. It’s a normal part of growing up. 

If we are oppressive in our parenting, we are not only in violation of the Torah where it says:

Lev 19:13a `You shall not oppress your neighbor….

But also we are endangering ourselves. For Yahushua said:

Mat 18:10   “Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven.

The word “despise” means:

2706 καταφρονέω kataphroneo {kat-af-ron-eh’-o} 
Meaning:  1) to contemn, despise, disdain, think little or nothing of 
Origin:  from 2596 and 5426; TDNT – 3:631,421; v
Usage:  AV – despise 9; 9

The word is a compound word that means to “think down.” In other words, think of them as being little and unimportant and beneath you and lower than you and think of yourself as better. 

Here’s a lesson for anyone who treats their children as though they are beneath them: Yahushua said that our goal actually should be to attain to their level!

Mar 10:15 “Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of Elohim as a little child will by no means enter it.”

And so it is very important that we do not oppress our little ones, but to lead them to Yahushua:

Mar 9:36-37 Then He took a little child and set him in the midst of them. And when He had taken him in His arms, He said to them,
 37 “Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me.”

Children are usually the most vulnerable in society. And it is quite easy for adults to oppress them with no legal consequence. Yahweh is watching us though.. seeing how we treat those who are vulnerable.

Adults know it is easy to take advantage of children because they have less knowledge, they are weak, and they have a trusting nature about them.

The fatherless especially are vulnerable and taken advantage of by adults.

Statistics show that fatherless children are 33 times more likely to be seriously abused, and 73 times more likely to be fatally abused.

They have no male there to protect them. Their mothers are vulnerable to men coming into their lives who don’t really care for the children. They take boyfriends in, men who are often irresponsible and are only interested in intercourse.. and because they are perverse, they mistreat or abuse the children. 

If you are a single mother, you need to really be in close communication with Yahweh as to who He will lead you to be married to. There are men who may look like a sheep on the outside, and seem great with children.. but they are predators and your children are their true target. We live in an evil world where children are viewed as easy and vulnerable prey by such wolves in sheep’s clothing.

But as I shared in the first segment, a person’s character really comes out when they have absolute power. 

And as I shared in the last segment, how one acts in those circumstances can cause Yahweh to bring judgment upon them:

Exodus 22:21-23 “You shall neither mistreat a stranger nor oppress him, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.
 22 “You shall not afflict any widow or fatherless child.
 23 “If you afflict them in any way, and they cry at all to Me, I will surely hear their cry;

To verbally oppress Yahweh’s children is a way of afflicting them. And if, in this verse, we see that Yahweh hears the cry of the little ones who are in a place of vulnerability, Yahweh will also hear the cry of our own children if we are allowing ourselves to engage in various forms of abuse, for they are just as helpless as a fatherless child who has no protector.

It was the oppression of the Israelites in Egypt that caused Yahweh to bring them out of Egypt and into the promised land.

It is the oppression of the enemy, satan the devil, that caused Yahweh to send His own son Yahushua to redeem us from his devouring and destructive ways.

A characteristic is that he preys on the weak, seeking to oppress them. A characteristic of the Messiah is that He is a help to those who are weak and oppressed..seeking to deliver them.

So we need to be Messiah-like in our character and our attitudes. In the Torah, Yahweh even said that even oppressed slaves should be allowed to go free and live without oppression:

Deu 23:15-16  “You shall not give back to his master the slave who has escaped from his master to you.
 16 “He may dwell with you in your midst, in the place which he chooses within one of your gates, where it seems best to him; you shall not oppress him.

Deu 24:14-15  “You shall not oppress a hired servant who is poor and needy, whether one of your brethren or one of the aliens who is in your land within your gates.
 15 “Each day you shall give him his wages, and not let the sun go down on it, for he is poor and has set his heart on it; lest he cry out against you to Yahweh, and it be sin to you.

This is a huge subject in Yahweh’s law and He brings it up often in the prophets…a person could be a feast keeper and otherwise look to be a righteous person.. but if he is oppressing other people.. forget it. Yahweh even hates their feast keeping:

Isa 1:13-15  Bring no more futile sacrifices; Incense is an abomination to Me. The New Moons, the Sabbaths, and the calling of assemblies– I cannot endure iniquity and the sacred meeting.
 14 Your New Moons and your appointed feasts My soul hates; They are a trouble to Me, I am weary of bearing them.
 15 When you spread out your hands, I will hide My eyes from you; Even though you make many prayers, I will not hear. Your hands are full of blood.

Isa 1:16-18  “Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes. Cease to do evil,
 17 Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.
 18 “Come now, and let us reason together,” Says Yahweh, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.

In this case, they were not necessarily oppressing and failing to walk in the righteous principles of justice toward others, but they were failing to rebuke those who were.

If Yahweh was upset that the people were not taking care of other people’s wives and children, how much more so ought we to not oppress our own wives and children!!

So getting back to parenting, what are the kinds of ways that parents can oppress their children?

Ephesians 6:4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of Yahweh.

What provokes a child to wrath? The same thing that provokes anyone to wrath:

Prov. 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

The Hebrew word translated “harsh” is:

06089 עֶצֶב `etseb {eh’-tseb} 
Meaning:  1) pain, hurt, toil, sorrow, labour, hardship 1a) pain 1b) hurt, offense 1c) toil, hardship 2) vessel, creation, object 3) (TWOT) idol 
Origin:  from 06087; TWOT – 1666a,1667a; n m
Usage:  AV – sorrow 3, labour 2, grievous 1, idol 1; 7

Words that cause pain. Words that hurt. 

So, as much as we know scripture says that children should obey their parents, it also says that parents should not speak hurtful words to their children.

Some words, especially identity-statements, can create wounds so deep that they are tormented for the rest of their lives. It only takes few seconds to say them, but the wounds can last a lifetime.

Daughters are especially prone to being hurt. Both genders can be hurt, but being that females are built to be more sensitive, if correction is done in a way that says, “child I reject you and I hate you for doing this to me, for inconveniencing me, for embarrassing me, etc” this is where the flesh can get involved in the discipline.

ALL CHILDREN need training. All of them are naturally self-centered. We have to teach them to not be self-centered. So when they fail and make a mistake, it’s not something to be angry about or upset about. It’s normal!

If our correction is done out of anger and vengeance, it is a work of the flesh.

Gal 6:7-8 Do not be deceived, Elohim is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
 8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.

This form of correction will not usually be effective in changing the heart. Actually the context of this verse in Galatians is correcting another person. We need to apply this principle to the way we correct our children as well.

If our correction is done in a spiritual way, with love and acceptance and humility, it can be a very spiritual exercise. The same is true in how we reprove and rebuke one another.

It is because the world sometimes disciplines their children in abusive ways that laws are sometimes passed against it. And it is because correction and rebuke is often done in a fleshly and carnal way that rebuke is often associated with hate. I can’t blame them too much actually because of the wrong way in which it is often done.

But correction done correctly is a beautiful thing:

Pro 25:12 Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold Is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.

If we are having problems correcting our children in a spiritual way, it can help to lean on the counsel of others, especially those who are older:

Titus 2:3-5 the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things–
 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of Elohim may not be blasphemed.

As I shared in the last segment, accountability helps to keep a parents behavior toward their children from deteriorating into forms of abuse.

The older can encourage the younger to love their children… and since the older have life experience, they can teach the younger the lessons they learned along the way as parents.

There are other forms of abuse besides verbal abuse, which we will get into later. But scripture tells us the danger of our tongue:

We need to see our tongue for what it is, a deadly poison

James 3:7-9 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind.
 8 But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
 9 With it we bless our Mighty One and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of Elohim.

We can’t tame the tongue, we can only change our hearts, then out of the mouth will come the good things that are in our heart. 

So what does it mean to “curse men” in this verse?

Certainly cursing someone can be a form of verbal abuse. 

2 Samuel 16:5-12 Now when King David came to Bahurim, there was a man from the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shimei the son of Gera, coming from there. He came out, cursing continuously as he came.
 6 And he threw stones at David and at all the servants of King David. And all the people and all the mighty men were on his right hand and on his left.
 7 Also Shimei said thus when he cursed: “Come out! Come out! You bloodthirsty man, you rogue!
 8 “Yahweh has brought upon you all the blood of the house of Saul, in whose place you have reigned; and Yahweh has delivered the kingdom into the hand of Absalom your son. So now you are caught in your own evil, because you are a bloodthirsty man!”

Shimei resorted to what we would consider to be “name calling.” Calling David a bloodthirsty man, a rogue (Heb. Man of Belial), a man who was caught in his own evil. He said Yahweh was punishing him for some imagined evil.

Now, a curse can be based on something true or something false. Yahweh said that one would be cursed if they did not obey all the words of His law:

Deuteronomy 27:26-28:1 `Cursed is the one who does not confirm all the words of this law by observing them.’ And all the people shall say,`Amen!’

Yahushua even cursed the scribes and Pharisees:

Matthew 23:33-35 “Serpents, brood of vipers! How can you escape the condemnation of hell?
 34 “Therefore, indeed, I send you prophets, wise men, and scribes: some of them you will kill and crucify, and some of them you will scourge in your synagogues and persecute from city to city,
 35 “that on you may come all the righteous blood shed on the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah, son of Berechiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar.

Now, if Yahweh or Yahushua speaks a curse, such as Yahweh cursing the serpent, or Yahushua cursing the scribes and Pharisees, it is going to be based on truth.

The truth be told, we are all under a curse… but Yahushua redeemed us, having become cursed for us. Praise Yahweh for that!

But a problem arises when men, who are not in authority over each other, begin to curse one another. Or, if parents speaks word curses over their children.

Here are some examples of word curses that I have heard fathers speak over their children:

  • “You’ll never amount to anything.”
  • “You’re worthless”
  • “Can’t you do anything right?”
  • “I wish you were never born”
  • “You’re stupid”
  • “You were a mistake”
  • “You’ll never _______”

Or something similar. It’s either identity statements, or prophetic words of doom which can greatly affect how the children view themselves and how they fit into this world. And then every time the child does something wrong, those words or other very hurtful words are brought up again as an inner voice. 

Never, ever, ever say these kinds of things to your children, I don’t care how awful their behavior is.

We should not do this to our children. We are not in the place of Elohim. We need to be very careful how we word things. 

It is not an effective means of motivating your child to do the right thing. 

You are only teaching them to hate themselves, and eventually hate you. When children grow up with self-hatred, it can be particularly damaging. 

You are teaching them to hate someone that Yahweh Himself loves….themselves. Even while we were yet sinners, Yahushua loved us first and gave His life for us. So we must not hate ourselves, we may hate some of the things that we do, such as when we do wrong, but we must not have a sense of hatred for ourselves.

In the Torah, we see that the measure by which we love others is how we love ourselves.

Lev. 19:18 `You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am Yahweh.

2 Tim. 3:1-4 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come:
 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy…

On the one hand, if we don’t love ourselves at all, we will have no measuring stick by which we can even love another person. But on the other hand, if we are choosing to love ourselves so much that we become self-centered and there is no room for loving Yahweh or another person, it becomes sinful.

We should never love ourselves so much that we really don’t even care if Yahweh or anyone else loves us. That’s pride and arrogance, haughtinesss and selfishness.

But at the same time we should never feel as though we are unworthy of being loved by Yahweh or being loved by another person. That’s where self-hatred comes in. That’s the major problem. 

So if we utter these word curses to our children, it is oppressive and verbally abusive. 

Do not say to your children, “IF you do this wrong, then this bad thing will happen to you.”

Don’t say that, it’s a curse.

Now you CAN say, “If you do this wrong thing, then it is more likely that this bad thing will happen to you.’ That’s fine, it’s the laws of sowing and reaping. But not every little seed will grow into a viable plant. So it is, that none of us have reaped everything we have sown.

We have been given GRACE. And that’s what we really want for our children. They are children, they will make mistakes. It is our job as parents to instill good habits in their lives. 

We cannot choose for them whether or not they will serve Yahweh until their dying day. But we can help them to have good habits, habits that will make it easier for them as adults to make the right choice.

While you are trying to instill habits of good character and upright conduct, don’t cause them to have to earn your love or earn your acceptance. Accept them where they are, then in an environment of love and acceptance, they will be most effectively mentored to make good choices. 

Don’t say, “If you don’t start brushing your teeth, your teeth will rot and fall out.” Say, “We want to take good care of our teeth because we only get one set as adults, so we want to reduce our risk of losing them and causing ourselves a lot of pain.”

Do you hear the difference? One prophesies words of doom and negativity. The other presents the possible risk, but without cursing our children. 

The enemy is a lawyer. He is always looking for legal ground to attack our children. So just as he was seeking to accuse Job to Yahweh the Father, so he is looking for reasons to attack our children.

Don’t give the enemy any legal ground to work with. Cursing your children and tearing them down can do just that. Your children, and all of us need all the grace we can get from Yahweh. It will be hard enough for our children to survive the trials of this life and enter into eternal life. We don’t want to do anything that make it any harder than it already is. We want to be stepping stones, not stumbling blocks.

We want our children to have a healthy sense of self-worth, because Yahushua thought we were worth the price of His own blood. We need to raise our children in such a way that reflects that reality.

Never forget that you have a human soul in your hands, given to you by Yahweh to nurture, to teach, to love, to nourish and show the love of Yahushua to. You HAVE to think LONG TERM, of how your actions will affect them as adults for the rest of their lives. 

Of all the human beings on the planet, Yahweh has given you complete control over a human life that He created, coming to you as a blank page. What you write in the pages of their hearts can affect them greatly.

Never forget that they are a person who was beautifully and wonderfully made in His image and likeness. That child is of such high value, Yahushua gave His life for them. To mistreat them or hurt their precious little hearts is to endanger our ourselves. Yahweh is watching.

Matthew 18:10  “Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven.

Yahweh knows the impact you will make on a soul He has created, and this is why He is watching so closely. This is a soul for whom He gave His only begotten Son. Lead them to Him, please.

Show forth His love to them, please. No more hurtful words, just love.

1 Cor. 13:1-2 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.
 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

1 Cor. 13:3-5  And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;”
 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

1 Cor. 13:6-8  does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
 8 Love never fails.

This is your one chance to show forth that kind of love to the next generation. Build His house, please.

1 Chr. 28:10 “Consider now, for Yahweh has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary; be strong, and do it.”

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.

Give life. If you know that you haven’t been, come to your children in repentance and let the healing begin. They will actually respect you more for it.

Seek counseling, then seek to be willingly accountable to your counselor to let no corrupt word come out of your mouth. If it does, write down the date and time in a logbook, just to keep yourself accountable. After all, your children’s hearts are already a logbook.

In repentance, let words of life now be written in the pages of their hearts, so that the former pages will not have any significance to them anymore because of the life and love you are now pouring into them. This will take time, but it can do wonders for your relationship and the well-being of your children and grandchildren.

Therefore, let’s turn away from verbal abuse and begin building up:

Ephesians 4:29-32 - Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of Elohim, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as Elohim in Messiah forgave you.