Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage – Part 7

02/25/12 Video Broadcast

How to win the heart of an unbelieving spouse, or a believing spouse who has weaknesses. Conclusion and summary.

Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage - Part 7 - Study
Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage - Part 7 - Study

Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage - Part 7 - Study

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Video Transcript

This is a direct transcript of a teaching that was presented via video. Due to the fact that we often speak differently than we write, the written text may not flow and/or sound strange in some places. There may also be grammatical errors and unintended mistakes. It is encouraged that you to watch the video to complement this written transcript.

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As we dig into this, there is a need to really try to uncover every possible scenario we can think of. There was one scenario last week that was brought to my attention. I just want to say that I’ve still got to chew on it a little bit more before I really give a definitive answer.

That scenario is, what if a man comes in and tries to seduce your daughter and he marries her against the will of the parents.

I talked with an elder about that, and he’s not sure, and I’m a little bit that way, too. As I got to thinking more about this, probably that if a daughter was doing that, she would not be acting as a believer, at least, and hopefully that could be handled appropriately.

I’ve still got to think about that some more. I will say, though, if a woman married a man against her father’s wishes, that would be against Scripture.

I’m not really sure how to handle that, but of course, I may find myself in that scenario, I don’t know. We are going to talk a little bit different today. We’ve talked in previous broadcasts about the only justification for a divorce would be a scenario where one of the parties in the marriage becomes an unbeliever.

Often times what happens is, there will be two unbelievers who are married, and one person in the relationship will accept the truth, and the other person will not. At least not initially, so what do you do in that scenario.

Or, in the case of those who have come to an understanding about the importance of the Torah, names, the Sabbath, and so on, whereas the other person has not come to that understanding, how should that be handled? What ought to be done in that situation? We’re going to spend a broadcast on this very topic.

So our topic today is Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage, and I’m going to go ahead and start again from the foundation for those of you who have not heard previous broadcasts. I at least need to cover one portion, and that is the foundation which is in the book of Genesis when Yahweh invented the institution marriage, He said there was to be no divorce.

There was to be no such thing as divorce. No thought of it.

No plan of it. Yahushua in Matt. 19:9 basically said, “what Elohim has joined together, let not man separate.” So He’s trying to bring us back to the way things were at the beginning, but because of the hardness of hearts there were divorces because of unbelief, because of those who were unbelievers amongst the nation of Israel.

Amongst the body of Messiah there is not supposed to be any unbelievers.

So we’re a little different scenario.

The purposes of marriage are:

1. Companionship (Gen 2:18) It’s not good for man to be alone. As I’ve heard it said, I think Yahweh looked at Adam and said, ‘That boy’s not going to make it by himself.’ So he needed a companion. I know I would have a hard time without my wife, definitely.

2. Dominion of the earth (Gen 1:28)

Genesis 1:28 – Then Elohim blessed them, and Elohim said to them, Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.

When Adam and Eve allowed one of those creatures, that was being influenced by Satan the devil, to come in and give them temptations, they chose not to subdue that creature, and they should have.

3. …to be fruitful and multiply (Gen 1:28) And of course, when we multiply we don’t want to just have a bunch of children running around that have no faith in Yahweh. The goal is that we do everything we can, everything we are supposed to do, in order to raise up children that will serve Yahweh, our Father in heaven. That is Yahweh’s desire.

Malachi 2:15 – But did He not make [them] one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.

This is talking about husband and wife. He has made man and wife one because He is looking for offspring, children that will be servants of Him.

Malachi 2:16 – For YAHWEH Elohim of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence, Says YAHWEH of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.

Men, we are given headship in the home, but that’s not a green light to do whatever you want. You have to answer to Yahweh. We all do. We need to make sure we are leading like Yahushua leads. That’s our goal, what we’re aiming for.

Luke 16:18 – Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from [her] husband commits adultery.

So you decide you want some other wife. You’re tired of the one you have, and you decide to divorce her. Here you were supposed to be heirs together of the grace of life, and both of you were serving Yahweh together, and you decide you want someone prettier, so you go off and marry someone else. Yahushua calls that adultery.

He doesn’t call it polygamy. He doesn’t call it divorce, He calls it adultery.

He doesn’t even call the new marriage, a marriage. He calls it adultery. We can’t live however we want, we have to answer to Yahweh, our Father in heaven, don’t we? Absolutely. Our goal actually is, if our wife is an unbeliever, is that we would reach them.

Now if for some reason something happens where they utterly just have nothing to do with Yahweh and are totally rebellious, Yahushua did give us an example:

Matthew 19:9 – And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.

We’ve explored and discovered and seen clearly, I think, on previous broadcasts that example of porneia does include spiritual harlotry against Yahweh. But before we think, ‘Oh, my wife’s an unbeliever. I’m going to go ahead and divorce her. I’ve got justification now.’

This happens sometimes where people think they’re justified in divorcing a person and judging them to be an unbeliever, when in reality they are a believer.

We have to be able to seek Yahweh to discern the difference. Or someone will divorce their unbelieving spouse, whereas Yahweh’s desire was that you would stay in the relationship and that you might be able to save them. These are the two areas that we’re going to be looking in detail today.

If your spouse already professes to be an unbeliever, of course it’s not hard to discern at that point, but if they claim to be a believer then you have to have some clarity and discernment in that area. As we’ve shared on previous broadcasts, some people are a little too quick to judge others to be unbelievers and apostates.

What I often hear is, “Well, I don’t think a believer would do…insert sin here…Do you think a believer would do that?” Well, I hate to say it, but I’ve counseled people who were believers, but they were struggling with anger. They were struggling with violence. They were struggling with pornography.

They were struggling with adultery, struggling with drinking and all kinds of problems. They weren’t justifying it.

They were trying to overcome it. They were certainly believers because they weren’t justifying it. They were trying to overcome it. We have to be very careful because the truth is, brothers and sisters, is there anyone in the chat room watching the broadcast today that would say they pretty much live a sin free life?

They have no problems whatsoever overcoming any kind of temptations.

Temptations come their way, and they just always overcome and never mess up and never fail. Anybody want to say that in the chat room? I’ve never met one person yet who said that. All of us, I think, if we’re honest with ourselves, recognize that sometimes we make mistakes.

Sometimes we fail. So we can’t judge a person to be an unbeliever on the basis that they make a mistake or that they fail.

If we do that we’ll have a problem with the following verse.

Matthew 7:2 – For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.

If we’re quick to accuse someone who professes to be a believer and say that they are an unbeliever, solely because of one particular sin that we perceive that the other person has committed, then we could potentially judge ourselves right out of the kingdom because with what judgment we judge, we will be judged.

Suppose a person thought only real believers would keep feast days, and everyone who doesn’t keep feast days are unbelievers. The reality there are sincere people in the world who just don’t know about the feast days, or they’re not convicted about feast days. We don’t become believers when we start believing in feast days.

We become believers when we in our heart choose to repent and believe in Yahushua the Messiah.

I wanted to recover that in case somebody missed that in the previous broadcast in which I dealt with that subject in great detail.

Of course if a believer forsakes the faith and refuses to repent when they’re confronted with obvious, blatant sin, then the congregation needs to deal with that, and if they won’t listen to anybody but themselves, that’s not a good sign that they are believers.

If a husband or wife has a spouse who is an unbeliever or maybe not the same spiritual level of understanding as the other, particularly with an unbeliever, it really is an awesome opportunity to win them to the faith of Yahushua.

In fact, if you were both unbelievers, and Yahweh called you, and this other person hasn’t yet answered the call or hasn’t been called, then it is very important to remember that Yahweh called you while you were married to this unbelieving spouse, so He knew one day that you were going to choose to walk in His ways,

and yet He allowed circumstances to happen in your life that resulted in this marriage.

Now He would be looking to you to do the things you’re supposed to do in order to save them. Some people might have the impression that there is nothing we can really do to save anyone, that Yahweh’s the one that does the saving. That’s true in one sense, but not quite in another sense.

Proverbs 11:30 – The fruit of the righteous [is a] tree of life, And he who wins souls [is] wise.

So we can actually win souls. Another Scripture:

Daniel 12:1 – At that time Michael shall stand up, The great prince who stands [watch] over the sons of your people; And there shall be a time of trouble, Such as never was since there was a nation, [Even] to that time. And at that time your people shall be delivered, Every one who is found written in the book.

Daniel 12:2 – And many of those who sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake, Some to everlasting life, Some to shame [and] everlasting contempt.

Daniel 12:3 – Those who are wise shall shine Like the brightness of the firmament, And those who turn many to righteousness Like the stars forever and ever.

So we do take part in the salvation of souls, in winning souls, in bringing people to the faith. In fact,

James 5:19 – Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back,

James 5:20 – let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.

We have these Scriptures here, and yet there are some who would be content to sit back and just do nothing in terms of winning anybody, all because they believe Yahweh doesn’t need them to save anyone, and Yahweh’s the one who does the saving, so why bother? To me, how is that not burying your talent in the sand?

Yahweh has given you a tremendous blessing, and He’s called us to use that blessing to reach out to others. In fact, when it comes to the husband wife relationship, it is specifically said in the following verse,

1Corinthians 1:16 – Yes, I also baptized the household of Stephanas. Besides, I do not know whether I baptized any other.

1Corinthians 1:17 – For Messiah did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Messiah should be made of no effect.

Here we see that it even says that we are able to save our spouses. How does that line up because isn’t Yahweh the one who saves? Yes, He is the One who saves. Let’s say a man was dying from a lack of oxygen, and you had an oxygen tank nearby, and you walk over and put the oxygen mask on him.

The oxygen is what saved him, but everyone would easily say you saved his life.

Why? Because you were willing to take the oxygen mask and bring it over and put it on the person, So while the oxygen itself was the life giver, physically, you with the oxygen tank and the oxygen mask, walked over and did it and saved their life. So it would be normal to say, ‘Yeah, you saved my life.”

In the same way, we have more than an oxygen tank. If you put an oxygen tank on someone they may die, ten years later.

We didn’t save their soul. We saved their body. My point is that Yahweh wants us to lead people to the source of life, He wants us to take an important role in the salvation of others. It’s no wonder Yahushua said the following:

Matthew 28:19 – Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

Matthew 28:20 –

We have a responsibility to take part in winning souls, by the wisdom of Yahweh, turning many to righteousness, turning sinners from the error of their way so that their should might be saved from death. If we just sit by and act like we have no responsibility at all…

Proverbs 24:11 – Deliver [those who] are drawn toward death, And hold back [those] stumbling to the slaughter.

Proverbs 24:12 – If you say, Surely we did not know this, Does not He who weighs the hearts consider [it]? He who keeps your soul, does He [not] know [it]? And will He [not] render to [each] man according to his deeds?

So we have to be soul winners. To do nothing is to fail in love. If we love our fellow man we will tell him when he is in need of a savior. We will do everything we can to try to bring them to faith. In the words of Leonard Ravenhill, “Could a mariner sit idle if he heard a drowning cry?

Could a doctor sit in comfort and just let his patients die? Could a fireman sit idle, let men burn and give no hand?

Can we sit at ease in Zion with the world around us damned?” We have to be active in this area if we love. If we don’t care about our fellow man we won’t tell him the truth. We’ll be too afraid of what he may think of us, and we’ll fear man rather than saving man. There are different ways of winning souls.

There are different ways to go fishing. There’s hold out the bait and see who nibbles.

There’s go out in the water and get the nets out and bring them in. Both methods can be effective, and both are needed. There’s a need to go out and make disciples of all the nations, teaching them to observe whatever Yahushua commanded, whether He commanded it in the Word in Genesis or Deuteronomy or wherever. That’s the net method.

Then there’s another method that’s important we don’t neglect, and that’s living the Messiah like life in such a way that others are drawn to the Messiah living in us. That’s the method we’re going to speak mostly on today. It’s the method which we are commanded to use when we are reaching our spouses with the truth. We’re not going to grab a net.

We’re going to have to be the bait on the hook, and if they find that Messiah to be something that is palatable, that they need in their life, then they will take the bait. Then Yahushua will draw them in. It’s going to take wisdom. It’s going to take our words and our hearts being in the right place.

Proverbs 11:30 – The fruit of the righteous [is a] tree of life, And he who wins souls [is] wise.

Proverbs 15:4 – A wholesome tongue [is] a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

Our words need to be a tree of life. Imagine that. If you were to look at a tree of life you, the fruit from that tree is not going to come jumping off and land on you and force its way down your throat, is it?

No, the tree of life is going to be there, and the words of graciousness and holiness and chastity and life are going to be always there until someone reaches out and says I want to have some of that.

You can be assured of one thing, if you’re trying to bring your spouse to the Messiah through a holier than thou attitude, and you try to force that food down their throat, it’s almost never going to work. To win them we have to use wisdom. Our words have to be trees of life. We have to be very, very, very careful with our tongue.

It is a world of iniquity. With it we bless Elohim, and we curse men. These things ought not to be so.

If we want to win our spouses to the blessing of Torah observance, we have to make sure that there is no corrupt word proceeding out of our mouth.

Ephesians 4:29 – Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

Ephesians 4:30 – And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of Elohim, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Ephesians 4:31 – Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

Ephesians 4:32 – And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as Elohim in Messiah forgave you.

Out of the bitterness of our hearts corrupt words come. Out of the anger and wrath and clamor evil speaking comes. We don’t want those kinds of things coming out of our mouths. We want words of life, words of wisdom, words of holiness, words that compel people to walk in righteousness not provoke them in the flesh.

That’s what happens is when one person is walking in the flesh in a marriage relationship, it provokes the other person to walk in the flesh. Then the other person responds to that with words that are hurtful and of the flesh, and you get this evil for evil relationship going.

We have to be careful about that because if we are harboring bitterness against our closest companion, there’s one thing that we are not doing.

That is, we’re not imparting grace to them. What does it say (vs 29)? That it may impart grace to the hearers. So we have to be very careful that the words of our lips are gracious words. I’m not claiming perfection in this by any stretch of the imagination.

My tongue is, as Scripture says, a world of iniquity. Really the tongue is not the real problem. The problem is the heart.

We need to ask Yahweh, “Create in us a clean heart,” that our words may also be pure. But if we’re harboring against our closest companion, then we’re not imparting grace, and our goal is that we would impart grace.

If we’re coming into Torah, for instance, and the blessing of Sabbath observance and these things, but then we see that our wives or our husbands are not accepting it, and they’re even against it, and kind of give the cold shoulder about the whole thing, you can’t get bitter and angry because they’re not following suit.

The most likely thing that’s going to happen if you start exhibiting bitterness and anger, maybe even more than before, or maybe you hadn’t before and now you are, if you’re trying to bring them to see the blessing of Torah, you’re just going to convince them further that now you’ve departed from grace, and now you’re embracing the law instead.

If they’re nominal Christians, going to church on Sunday, and you’re trying to get them to come to Torah, and yet you’re exhibiting all these things that are against Torah, like bitterness and wrath and clamor, they’re going to think, because of their perspective, right or wrong, you’re trying to go back under the law. That’s why you’re acting like that.

You’re not remembering grace. It’s when we manifest both grace and Torah that the fullness of Messiah is seen because He offers grace, but He also gives us Torah.

That’s the fullness of Messiah. If our spouse is an unbeliever, they’re not going to have the Spirit of Yahweh within them to give them the strength they need to do what is right, even if they understand what is right.

So we kind of have to lower our expectations a little bit and not be so demanding and have compassion on them. What do you expect? If they don’t have the Spirit of Yahweh within them to help them, what do you expect? But we do. We do have a helper. We do have a guide for our life. It is the love of Messiah dwelling in us that will break the chains and soften the hardest hearts.

Sometimes it can be difficult for us to show grace in the face of utter hatred or utter disrespect. There is a lack of love. But, you know, if we only love those who love us, we’re no better than they are. Scripture says:

Luke 6:31 – And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

Luke 6:32 – But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.

Luke 6:33 – And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.

The often quoted golden rule is actually most often applied when others are not loving us. It is then that we are tempted to be involved in an evil for evil relationship. If we are responding to their evil with evil in return, don’t expect many converts.

It is when we love those who are not showing love, and we return their evil with good, that we are manifesting the Messiah to them.

If you want to be blessed, then you have to return their evil with good. It is when we return their evil with good that the Messiah’s life, his example, and what He is really has done for us is manifested. We can do it. We can do it, because Yahushua has done it for us.

How can we be recipients of His love and say, “Thank you very much,” but then not pour that same love into others and that same grace that we’ve been given.

We don’t overcome evil by returning back what they’ve given to us, which is evil, which is bitterness, which is wrath, which is clamor. But instead we return and overcome that evil with good.

Romans 12:21 – Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I am calling all of us, as husbands and wives, to not use the other person’s failures as an excuse to do the same thing. While it may be difficult to do at times, it is what we are commanded to do. We can’t make an excuse and say, “It’s too hard.”

If it was too hard, then Yahushua would never have commanded it, but the truth is we always have a way of escape, and Yahweh will never put anything on us that we cannot handle.

He will always provide a way of escape. and that way of escape is to choose love, to choose to walk in the Spirit rather than the flesh. So if you want to win your husband, or if you want to win your wife to the Messiah, the number one thing is do not engage evil for evil.

Return their evil with good. Don’t return their curse with curse. Return their curse with blessing by fulfilling your role as a loving husband or a submissive wife.

A believer cannot blame an unbelieving spouse for their failures to fulfill Yahweh’s command for a husband to love his wife and a wife to reverence her husband. The blame game doesn’t work. I think Adam tried that in the garden of Eden. “This woman you gave me.” No, he still got kicked out of the garden, so it doesn’t work.

We all have to have a personal relationship with the heavenly Father.

Our mistreatment of any person on the earth is a sin against Him and Him only. When David sinned against Yahweh, we read last week, Psalm 51, when he sinned against Uriah the Hittite, he sinned against his wives by committing adultery, what did he say? “Against You, Yahweh, against You only have I sinned and done evil in Your sight.” That was his attitude.

He was concerned about his relationship with his heavenly Father.

And if we can’t model a living relationship with the Messiah in our own walk, then don’t be too surprised if others in our family have a difficulty doing what you’re wanting them to do,

which is model a good relationship with the Messiah which we may not have ourselves if we are not willing to truly lay down our lives, to give up everything and put Yahweh first.

Remember Yahushua takes the spitting and the beatings of the enemy for our sake. Yet do go out and lash out at the slightest infraction? In His wisdom, Yahushua recognized the following:

Luke 23:34 – Then Yahushua said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do. And they divided His garments and cast lots.

He understood that they were ignorant. Some of you might be saying, “Well, my wife or my spouse, they know exactly what they’re doing.” They have weaknesses just like you and I. Sometimes we know what we should do, but in our weaknesses, we fail Yahweh. If they don’t have Messiah in them, of course they’re going to have difficulty treating us properly.

So we need to be willing to manifest the fruits of the Spirit while other people around us are manifesting the works of the flesh. That will bring conviction more than anything.

Galatians 5:19 – Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness,

Galatians 5:20 – idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies,

Hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions are the arguing parts. Those are manifestations of the flesh that often occur within the context of a home environment. That’s the works of the flesh, and we should not engage in them. We should not participate in them.

Galatians 5:21 – envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told [you] in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of Elohim.

That becomes something that is your habit to do. To engage in outbursts of wrath and jealousies and dissensions and arguments and all these things, then according to these Scriptures, you’re in danger, in grave danger.

Galatians 5:22 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

Galatians 5:23 – gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

Galatians 5:24 – And those [who are] Messiah’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Galatians 5:25 – If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Galatians 5:26 – Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

Wrath provokes wrath. If we are getting angry at our spouse, don’t be surprised if they get angry back, particularly if they’re not believers. The wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of Elohim, according to the book of James.

Don’t expect your wife or your husband to change and become people who are walking in the fruit of the Spirit when you’re sitting there struggling with the same thing, walking in the flesh.

Set the example of obedience to Yahweh in the home, and that will be the best environment for a change in your spouse. Actually this principle applies to all marriages, whether married to a believer or to an unbeliever. Our own imperfections can create stumbling with the ones we are closest to, whether it be our wife or even our children.

We all, brothers, we all need lots of patience from Yahweh.

Yahweh is willing to be patient with us, especially if we are being patient with others and imparting grace to those who wrong us.

Very, very, very important. There are specifics in dealing with how a husband can win a wife, and there are specifics on how a wife can win her husband, bring him to a saving knowledge of Yahushua, the Messiah.

Too often, and I’ve seen this a lot, and in my past history I’ve been guilty of it myself: “Okay, I’m the man and authority. I should be able to tell my household the things that they ought to do, and they ought to listen.” When they don’t listen, the tendency of our flesh is to do things to make them listen.

But we have to understand that in the same way Yahweh does not force us to obey Him, neither can we force our wives to obey us as leaders of our family. We have to exhibit the same patience toward our wife as Yahushua does toward us because sometimes we don’t hear correctly.

Sometimes we we’re not listening very well, and we don’t do the things that we’re supposed to do. We have to be humble.

If we mess up, we have to be humble. Even to them. Even if they’re unbelievers, and we make a mistake, if we humble ourselves, and say, “I was wrong,” even as a believer we have to be humble and admit we were wrong. If you act like you’re perfect and you’re not, they’re going to see right through it and look at you as being a charlatan or a hypocrite.

But when we fail and we acknowledge that we’ve messed up, and we admit it and we’re humble about it, that brings peace to them because then they feel like, “Okay if I’m a believer I don’t feel like I have to be perfect. If I make a mistake it’s not like it’s the end of the world. I do have grace.”

We have to understand that, yes, Yahweh has made the husband the head of the wife. That’s what Scripture teaches.

But we have to understand the mindset of today’s culture is that a woman doesn’t have to be under her husband’s headship. So pretty much all the women, most of them anyway who are not raised in Biblical families, are typically raised to go out and wear the pants, so to speak.

From the time they’re little, they’re bombarded with messages from the culture, from parents, from relatives, from friends to go out and be somebody.

That some body is usually the very opposite of what the Scriptures call a wife and mother to be. So as husbands, we have to look at them and say, “You know, they were hardwired to do the opposite of what the Scripture says.” So we have to be very patient with them. We can’t lord it over and subdue our wives.

We can’t control them into being a believer or control into them being a follower of Torah.

There’s a difference between leadership and control. Two different things. Control is forcing someone to do what you’ve led them to do, either by force or by threat of force, by anger, by cruel words of bitterness. Anyone trying to use these methods to turn their wife into a believer or to following Torah has got it all wrong. It will never work. Why?

Because anyone who feels forced into a certain belief, even if they yield to that, even if they yield to it, they don’t really believe from the heart. Unless our belief is truly from the heart, we’re not really believers anyway. These methods will only produce Pharisees that tend to follow the rules, but their hearts are far from Yahweh.

So we can’t utilize these methods. The goal is not for a husband to make his wife believe.

That’s not really belief, but that she would come to a faith in a way that is sincere and genuine. We have to be careful because there are women who are just naturally submissive, and they’ll just, you know, ‘whatever you say.’

We have to be careful we’re not confusing their submission with being genuine faith in the Messiah when, in reality, they’re just doing whatever you want.

Our goal is to see them, on their own, develop a relationship with the heavenly Father, with the Messiah, so that they might be saved in the end. If it’s just man pleasing, then Yahweh is going to expose it. Yahweh is going to bring it out somehow because He searches the hearts.

So we are called to be leaders as husbands, but we are not called to force others to follow.

Even Yahweh, the most powerful being in the universe, doesn’t force everyone to follow Him. We’re not puppets on a string. He gives us a choice. So we provide the leadership. We diligently labor in the Word. We hunger, we thirst for righteousness. We gently guide the home in the way of love, of righteousness and holiness.

Then it is the wife’s choice if she wants to follow. Pray for her. Love her. Serve her. Provide for her.

Show forth the patience that Yahweh has for all of us. That will be the best environment for her to want to follow your leadership. She may choose not to. Many today choose not to follow Messiah, even though He has died for them, but unless we become a living example of the Messiah, she may never recognize Him for who He is.

It is a huge burden we carry, but that is our calling. Our calling is:

Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands, love your wives, just as Messiah also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

We have to be careful in how we lead and make sure we’re leading with love and with understanding. Yahweh leads all of us little by little so we can grow. He doesn’t shove an eighty course meal down our throats all at once. In the same Yahweh leads us, we have to be careful that we are patterning our leadership after that same pattern.

Even Yahushua , with His disciples, He told them:

John 16:12 – I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear [them] now.

So He didn’t say them. How about that? Husbands, we all need to love our wives in a way that they are able to bear. If we’re spiritually stronger than they are, to be overbearing is to be simply overwhelming.

This is something that in my own walk I have to be very, very careful about, and I don’t always follow that myself. It is something I’m working on.

Even the Jerusalem council, Acts 15, the apostles recognized that they shouldn’t lay upon the Gentiles everything at once. Give them some necessary things to get them started in their walk with Yahweh because our daily walk involves a daily growth that has to take place. Our growth is only going to happen if our heart is yielded to Yahweh’s Word.

You can plant a seed into the ground and cover it up, but you know if you just pound it in there, it’s going to get impacted, and the seed won’t have any room to grow, so you’re going to have to gently uncover the dirt, put the seed in there, and gently cover it back up again.

Then water it and wait. Yelling at that seed isn’t going to make it grow. Yahweh makes it grow. We plant, another may water, Yahweh gives the increase.

And if the seed is planted in poor soil, whatever does grow, isn’t going to produce good fruit anyway. So as husbands who are called to lead, wisdom has to be used in our leadership. We have to be diligent students of our wives, with prayer and diligence and seeking how Yahweh wants us to lead them.

For me, that is a daily challenge. I think for most of us it is.

One thing is for certain, if you want to break up the fallow ground, if you want to soften the hardened hearts, the best way to win a wife is to love them is to love them as Yahushua loved the assembly, whether they deserve it or not.

Too often, us husbands have excused ourselves. like Adam, from having to love our unsubmissive or unbelieving wives, or whatever.

Where our wives fail, we make excuses, because “well, you know, how can you love someone who does that?” Well, how does Yahweh love us when we do the things that we do? Just like Adam, you blame your wife for your sin and think you’re off the hook. We have to remember, what is that led us to Yahushua?

We’ve got to move first. We weren’t very loveable when we were unbelievers, yet Yahushua still loved us. It was that which compelled us to return the love. This is very important. If you’re married to an unbelieving wife, if you want your wife to love Yahushua, be like Yahushua and love her first.

If she doesn’t want to read the Scriptures, you can be the Scriptures in such a way that very few women can resist.

She may not treat you kindly back, but remember, she’s not a believer, so what do you expect? Don’t be bitter. Don’t even have a hint of bitterness toward her.

Colossians 3:19 – Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

Yahweh knows our tendencies, doesn’t He? We weren’t treating Yahushua very well, all those years that we didn’t believe, and if Yahweh had become embittered with us and chose to not love us, we would never come to salvation.

So if you want to win your wife, if you want to love your fellow man as Yahushua says to do, or fellow woman, then you have to walk in love.

Titus 3:3 – For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another.

Titus 3:4 – But when the kindness and the love of Elohim our Savior toward man appeared,

Titus 3:5 – not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit,

That’s how we came to salvation, and that is what we are called to model in our walk. I know women have excellent memories of how they’re treated, whether good or bad.

It could be good, but if you don’t believe me, sometimes you’ll notice, many women, not all, but some you get some kind of disagreement going and they open up the briefcase, and they have notes of how they were treated on this date and that date.

They’ll bring those things up whenever they’re not happy with you. They have real good memories of how they were treated in their past, and if we choose to be kind and loving in the face of hatefulness, then we are doing the very thing that Yahushua did to win our souls.

So if they have any conscience at all, they will feel guilty for how they are treating you, and they will want to return the love. That is where we can reach them.

Then you may see changes, when our love for them has softened the hardened heart, that the heart will be ready to receive the Word and be that good soil that produces fruit. Sometimes if a wife realizes the changes they see, they say, ‘all of a sudden, you’re just different.

You’re treating me different. You’re acting different. You’re gentle with your words. You’re not harsh. You’re not angry. Why? What’s going on with you?

What’s all these changes?’

‘I’ve been reading Scriptures.’ ‘Oh, really, what’s in the Scriptures that is…’ ‘Well, it says here, this…that I shouldn’t be this way toward you, and I want you to know that I really feel bad about the way I’ve treated you.’ Start being humble and apologizing and tell her, ‘I want to do better, I may not be perfect, but I want to live like my Savior did.

He died for me, and while I was not loving Him, He loved me, so I want to be that way and love my neighbor as myself, and do unto others what I would like others to do unto me.’ Then we’ll have opportunity for witnessing. We have to soften the heart first.

Remember, even when we plant the Word into the soil, even into the good soil, we’re still going to need patience.

Luke 8:15 – But the ones [that] fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep [it] and bear fruit with patience.

They have to be patient also for their fruit to grow, so we have to be patient with them to see that fruit grow, because our patience has to be like Yahweh’s patience. Remember, even though Yahushua was the King of kings, He was not prideful.

He humbly washed the feet of His disciples to demonstrate the need to be kind to one another, in service and in love.

Even though we are in a position of leadership, it does not mean we sit back and fire off orders like some commander in a bunker somewhere. Yahushua says our leadership is not that way.

Matthew 20:25 – But Yahushua called them to [Himself] and said, You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them.

Matthew 20:26 – Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant.

Matthew 20:27 – And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave —

Matthew 20:28 – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.

That is the leadership we are called to imitate. I was meditating on this last night, and Yahweh showed me more and more, it is our acts of service toward our family members that earn respect, so that they might view us as being first, as being the one in leadership.

It is a servant leadership, so if we want other members of our family to follow our lead, we need to be the greatest servant in the household.

I don’t mean just going to work. That is the only thing that keeps you from being considered worse than an unbeliever, is that you go to work every day. Did you catch that? The only thing that keeps you from being called worse than an unbeliever, is that you go to work every day. That’s the bare minimum.

So if you have a hard time finding a job or keeping a job, it is going to be really hard for you to earn any respect around the house.It is going to be really hard.

They’re supposed to respect you no matter what because of your position as the husband as one of authority, whether he does a good job in that place or not, but there is personal respect that has to be there.

This kind of what I was meditating on, just daily acts of service. The more surprising our acts of service are, the more they’ll be noticed and appreciated. So mix it up a little bit. When a man serves his wife with numerous daily acts of kindness and is a true gentleman to her, it is going to be harder for her to resist that love.

When a man treats his wife with honor, even though she isn’t deserving of that, it will compel her to be ashamed and to want to walk in that honorable way. Of course this love has to come from the heart, not just be phony, and go through the motions. We want to follow the example of Yahushua, whether our believers or unbelievers

. Nourish them, cherish them, serve them, honor them, be kind to them. Let Yahushua’s love for them flow through you. If you don’t have it, ask Yahweh to fill you with His love for the lost and the confused ones of this world. He can do it. I realize, I fail at this myself, and it is a tall order for us men.

I wonder how we can ever match Yahushua’s love for the assembly. He’s perfect. Maybe we fall short of His glory, but I know there is no excuse for it.

The closer we are to Yahushua’s example of servant leadership, the more pleasing we are in Yahweh’s sight, and when we walk in Yahushua’s example, we are providing the best environment to bring positive changes in our wife and also our children.

And we show our whole family how wonderful Yahushua’s love is by our example, and we create a culture in the home of serving. When we create a culture in our home of serving, the children won’t be so selfish, and the wife won’t be so selfish, and everyone will be interested in serving.

You know what will happen? Because you’re serving, you’ll get served. That is the way to do it. Set the example.

Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands, love your wives, just as Messiah also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

Ephesians 5:26 – that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,

Ephesians 5:27 – that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

Ephesians 5:28 – So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5:29 – For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Master [does] the church.

Ephesians 5:30 – For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

Ephesians 5:31 – For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

Powerful words.

Ephesians 5:32 – This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Messiah and the church.

Ephesians 5:33 – Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife [see] that she respects [her] husband.

How do you win a wife to the Messiah? How do you show her the blessing of walking in His commandments?

By doing exactly what the Scriptures tell us to do in terms of loving them and serving them, and if it turns out in the end, that in spite of our Messiah like acts of love and service toward them, they totally reject it and go on about their way, it’s really only then that we can confidently say, it’s not you she’s rejecting.

It is Yahushua himself in you that she’s rejecting. So love and respect.

Ephesians 5:32 – This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Messiah and the church.

Ephesians 5:33 – Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife [see] that she respects [her] husband.

There is actually a poll that was taken that asked married couples, ” The last time you were in an argument, did you feel like you were not loved, or did you feel like you were not being respect?” By and large, the men said they were not being respected, and by and large, the women felt like they weren’t being loved.

They’re just figuring this out, and in Scriptures 2000 years ago, Yahweh already had the solution to marriage.

A husband needs to love his wife, and a wife needs to respect her husband. That is the key to creating the best environment to bring an unbeliever to the faith of Messiah as a believer, for bringing a person who is rejecting some of the things we hold dear, like Sabbath and the Torah, to bringing them along, is showing that love.

When it comes to a wife, showing respect and submitting to husband.

When it comes to a wife trying to win her husband to the Messiah, it takes a tremendous amount of faith. It can be a real challenge because the role of the wife is to submit to the husband’s leadership. We see that in the Scriptures:

Ephesians 5:22 – Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to Yahweh.

Colossians 3:18 – Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in YAHWEH.

Then we see the older women are supposed to instruct the younger women to obey their husbands.

Titus 2:3 – the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things —

Titus 2:4 – that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,

Titus 2:5 – [to be] discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of Elohim may not be blasphemed.

There is no question as to what Yahweh’s will is for wives.

How should things be handled in the case of a wife being married to an unbelieving husband, or what if the husband, maybe he’s a believer, but he’s telling the wife to do things that she believes is wrong in her mind, and in the mind of Yahweh, if Yahweh forbids it?

I feel like I need to address this first because it is the first thing that many people think of when they think of these passages, especially if the husband is not a believer.

So let me get this right off the bat, that obedience to human authority is never to override obedience to Yahweh’s authority. For instance, we are instructed in Scripture, every single one of us are instructed:

1Peter 2:13 – Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Master’s sake, whether to the king as supreme,

1Peter 2:14 – or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and [for the] praise of those who do good.

1Peter 2:15 – For this is the will of Elohim, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men —

1Peter 2:16 – as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of Elohim.

We understand that, yes, we are supposed to submit ourselves to every ordinance of man so that they cannot find…their issue with us is not going to be, “well, they just won’t follow our rules.” Their issue is going to be, “They follow Yahweh’s rules.”

Acts 5:27 – And when they had brought them, they set [them] before the council. And the high priest asked them,

Acts 5:28 – saying, Did we not strictly command you not to teach in this name? And look, you have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this Man’s blood on us!

Acts 5:29 – But Peter and the [other] apostles answered and said: We ought to obey Elohim rather than men.

Peter, the same one who wrote the verses we read in 1 Peter, also said we ought to obey Elohim rather than men. And that is true. If there is a conflict between obeying Elohim and obeying man, Elohim comes first. We don’t have to do it with an arrogant way.

We can just say, “I’m sorry, Yahweh comes first,” and not even have to apologize for it. We see in Scripture men who put their lives on the line to obey Yahweh.

There was the prophets of old, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and many other examples. In light of that, it would seem to me that, no, a wife does not need to obey her husband if her husband tells her to disobey Yahweh. I want to make a side note here.

If our wives are believers and you’re asking them, men, to do something that is against their conscience, just don’t ask them to do it because we want our wives to have a clear conscience before Elohim. Our goal is that we all have a clear conscience, and we do what we believe is the right thing to do.

Don’t pressure them to do something they feel is wrong even if you don’t think it is wrong.

If there are cases when the husband is physically abusive, what do you do then? Should a wife submit to her physically abusive husband? I want to say first of all, probably 90 percent of the cases, the reason why the husband is physically abusive is because the wife refuses to submit to his authority.

He may choose to try to force her to disobey Yahweh. In that case, if he’s physically abusive, of course we have good reason to be disobedient to wrong authority. But if the husband is a believer, and I know this happens, I’ve counseled people that it’s happened to, that the husband will be abusive toward his wife physically.

Everyone can claim emotional abuse. We all fail in our areas. But physical abuse, what do you do?

If the husband is a believer, it seems to me that brethren should be involved. Brethren should be involved first, and if the steps of Matt. 18 are taken, and he won’t listen to the brethren, then the only other step is to call the civil authorities so the husband can face true consequences for his behavior. Then they’re outside.

They won’t listen to anybody in the congregation, so now they’re on the outside. Sometimes just one night in jail is enough to get their attention. Some husbands only abuse because they feel they can. They can get away with it, and one night in jail, they’re done. Other times , there may be more.

There is nothing wrong with the wife calling the police and making sure they submit themselves to every ordinance of man.

If the husband does repent of the abuse, say he allowed his anger to get carried away, and he did something terrible to his wife, it is very important he understands he is the one who abused his authority, so he’s the one who is responsible to rebuild trust.

If he is not willing to do all that the family or the brethren involved and the wife would expect him to do to rebuild trust, it is not a good sign that we have genuine repentance.

The one who violates their position of authority has to rebuild trust. In fact, it is always the responsibility of the one who sins against another to rebuild that trust with them. It is also the responsibility of those who have been hurt by another person to forgive and provide opportunities to rebuild trust.

I wanted to get those situations dealt with because I do think a lot of times those kinds of scenarios are not dealt with in a Biblical way. In light of all this, these are the exceptions we are dealing with here, and hopefully now that those exceptions are out of the way, we can get to the next step, which is how can a wife win her husband?

Many assume because their husband is not a believer, he’s not interested in obeying Yahweh, sp they don’t really have to do anything that he says to do. As a result, some women will try to lead their husband, and try to be the one that’s the dominant force in the relationship.

I don’t care what context, it is always wrong unless he’s telling her to do something against Yahweh, and she has to say, “I refuse,” in a respectful way.

Some will try to lead their husband to the Messiah by preaching to them, or force feeding the Word into their life.

They want so much to see their husband saved that they just can’t resist talking about it and dropping hints and purposely leaving pamphlets everywhere and using every possible open door that even cracks open a little bit to try to bring their husband over to the faith in Messiah.

According to Scripture that is the wrong way to do it. The Biblical method a wife should use to bring her husband to Yahushua is just the opposite. It is not through leading him to the Messiah. It is through submitting to him and trusting Yahweh to work on his heart through submissive and chaste behavior.

Won by what, by the whining and complaining and nagging of the wife? No, by the conduct of their wives. Did you get that comment right there? I didn’t write this. I don’t write the mail, I just deliver it. It says without a word. Without a word. And you say, “What? I’ve got to say something.

I mean how else are they going to know?” This is Peter’s mail. He mailed a letter to the twelve tribes.

The truth is a wife can win her husband without a word, but can win her husband by BEING the word, by a righteous and holy manner of life that’s accompanied by fear. Fear. (1Peter 1:2) What kind of fear? Who is she fearing? That fear is a fear of Yahweh. We are not supposed to fear men.

If a woman is refusing to submit to her husband’s leadership, her husband is not the problem. The problem is she doesn’t fear Yahweh.

I understand that is a little strong, but that is what it says. You have to have chaste conduct accompanied by fear rather than with her words and trying to control the situation to make sure that you do the work of winning your husband. You do the work of winning your husband, but you don’t do it in the same way, in a way that you might think. You do it because through conduct. Here are some examples of chaste conduct:

very precious. That is how you’re going to win your husband, by being precious. A gentle and a quiet spirit, the hidden person of the heart. Other Scriptures agree with this.

Proverbs 31:30 – Charm [is] deceitful and beauty [is] passing, But a woman [who] fears YAHWEH, she shall be praised.

Proverbs 31:31 –

It is the works. It is the deeds. It is the living example that wins a husband. If a wife does fear Yahweh, her concern is not the outward adorning, her concern is that inner person of the heart.

If a woman does fear Yahweh, she is going to very carefully submit to the one Yahweh has placed in authority over her, and trusting Yahweh to work in the life of her husband to lead her in a direction that He, Yahweh would desire.

To do that is called precious. The word in the Greek is as follows.

Greek Lexicon

4185 poluteles {pol-oo-tel-ace’}

Meaning: 1) precious 1a) requiring very great outlay, very costly 1b) excellent, of surpassing value

Origin: from 4183 and 5056; adj

Usage: AV – very precious 1, costly 1, of great price 1; 3

That is virtuous. A virtuous woman, who can find? Her worth is far above rubies. Very precious, very costly, of great, great price. So if a woman wants to be cherished by her husband, then be something of great value. Be something that he would view of great price and wouldn’t want to lose.

That is going to be the best environment to bring about the changes in the husband that are necessary.

It says that the beauty, the quiet spirit, the winning without a word, it is something that Sarah did. As men we’re called to be sons of Abraham, and women are called to be daughters of Sarah. That is the example that Peter, Kepha, brings out here.

Submission to their husbands was their adorning. That was their clothing.

Lord is adon in Hebrew. She called him adon which means master. What do you mean not afraid? You just told me to fear. Wait a minute, what are you talking about here? It says not to fear man, right? Don’t fear circumstances of what would happen if you were to submit to your husband.

Don’t be afraid of what may happen. Instead, put your fear of Yahweh before your fear of circumstances and watch Yahweh do miracles.

Trust in Him. That is the precious adorning of every woman of Yahweh: meekness, gentleness, quietness, submitting to husband in the fear of Yahweh. That means obedience. That means following his leadership. It says a wife will be a daughter of Sarah if she is good and not afraid with any terror.

A lot of times the main difficulty that a wife might have is overcoming the fears of “Oh, he’s decided to do this now. ”

So circumstances that might rise up that would cause her faith to be tested, especially if she is married to an unbeliever. This is the context of 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 5, that if your husband is not a believer. In this case, he is comparing the example of Sarah and Abraham.

So He doesn’t make a distinction between submitting to a believer or submitting to an unbeliever. There is no distinction made.

He draws on the example of Sarah and Abraham, who were two believers, as what a wife who is married to an unbeliever ought to do. In this situation, we have to realize that Yahweh is not going to allow any of us, either a husband or a wife, to face any temptation in such a way that we would not be able to bear it.

Yahweh Elohim, He is our escape. We run to Him. He is that strong tower that the righteous run to and are safe. So if a wife is in a situation where the husband is asking her to do something unreasonable, just like Sarah did, she put her trust in Elohim.

As it said in 1Peter 3, that was her covering, that was her adorning, that was her clothing.

That was her submission to Elohim and her trust in Elohim through submitting to her husband. Again, if a wife is faced with a decision of whether she has to obey Yahweh or her husband, you have a problem because it says, “wives be obedient to your husbands.” Yahweh knows that. He knows.

But I, personally, and maybe there are some situations out there, but I’ve personally never heard of or seen a situation where a wife was submissive normally yet was faced with having to go to her husband and say, ‘I can’t obey you because that would be disobedient to my Father in heaven.’

If a wife has the quiet and meek spirit that Yahweh desires, she is generally not going to be found in this position.

If normally the wife is submissive in every way, but all of a sudden she comes and says, “I feel this would violate my conscience before Elohim, and I have to follow HIm first. I love you. I appreciate you. I want to follow your leadership, but I can’t do this.

It is against my Father in heaven.” We’ve been reading this book, A Thousand Shall Fall (Susi Hazel Mundy), for those of you have been hearing me read the book.

Franz obeyed orders until it came between him and his Elohim, and he respectfully had to decline. But do you see how Yahweh enabled him to still be obedient to Him, even in that circumstance? You would think normally going into an army, no way you’re going to keep the Sabbath day, but he was able to, because he did put Yahweh first.

I’ve heard remarkable and sometimes miraculous testimonies of the things Yahweh would do to provide a way for a wife to both obey Yahweh and her husband. Or Yahweh intervened and changed the husband’s mind. I had a situation a number of years ago of a woman who was married to an unbeliever, and he refused to let her get baptized.

I was going to be the one coming up to baptize her, and she told me that.

I said, “Let’s pray.” And the situation worked out to where I was able to baptize her, and he was all for it through different things that happened. When it comes to winning a husband to the Messiah, it is so important that a wife treats her husband with reverence and respect.

That is the Biblical method that is actually commanded her in Scripture. The reason why it works is this.

The husband will often be compelled to rise up to the level of respect with which she is treating him. Supporting him, adoring him, appreciating him, serving him will have a very positive effect, especially if he doesn’t deserve it.

Did you ever notice when someone says, “A husband ought to serve his wife,” everybody claps. But when someone says a wife needs to serve her husband, that’s oppressive, outdated, and chauvinistic.

It has to work both ways. The truth is when a wife serves a husband, and a husband serves ha wife, each of them are walking like Yahushua did. That’s what they’re doing. A wife is called to submit to her husband as if the husband was Yahweh.

Ephesians 5:22 – Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to Yahweh.

A husband should never act as if he is Yahweh, but a wife should treat her husband as if his words were Yahweh’s words. There is nothing unbiblical, nothing chauvinistic about it. When your husband goes to work, what does he have to do? He has to obey those superiors at work as if they were Yahweh.

Colossians 3:23 – And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to YAHWEH and not to men,

Colossians 3:24 – knowing that from YAHWEH you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve YAHWEH Messiah.

A wife’s submission to her husband to her husband is actually an act of service to Yahweh. It is this kind of service that will be the best kind of environment for the husband to hear from Yahweh and to change. If the husband has questions about the faith, and the wife feels like she can give a Spirit led answer, no problem.

If a wife wants her husband to lead her spiritually, then she has to get out of the way and stop trying to lead him to be the leader. Sometimes that happens. “Oh, I’ll lead him to be the leader then he’ll lead.” But if you’re leading him to be the leader, then you’re the one leading still.

She can’t play Holy Spirit. Yahweh’s job is to convict. We converse with people, but in the case of wife trying to win her husband, her role is silence.

She can win without a word and let her chaste conduct do the saving. It is really neat how it works, and I’ll explain this. If you trust in Yahweh, Yahweh will come through. Number one. Also, say a wife treats her husband with disdain, defiance, and disrespect.

Not only is he often going to stoop that level of how he is being treated, it will be difficult for him to want to follow whatever faith she is a part of.

Often we, husbands, wives are stumbling blocks to each other, rather than stepping stones in these areas. The very thing we want to accomplish, we end up sabotaging by our own actions. If you want your husband to follow Messiah and fulfill his role as the spiritual leader of the family, don’t try to lead him to it by your words.

Lead him by your example of faith, if you’re going to lead him.

By your example of faith, love, patience, longsuffering, self control because if a wife lacks these areas, a husband may have difficulty believing he could ever be good enough to measure up to Yahweh’s expectations.

In other words, if he doesn’t even measure up to his own wife’s demands and be respected for what he has been able to do, he may believe that he’ll never be a good enough believer in your eyes.

And you’re only going to put more demands on him and therefore more disrespect and more nagging and more conflict and more arguing. I assure you, there is nothing attractive about that. It doesn’t work, because you’re bumping up against the need for a man to be respected.

That is not a need I invented. That is something that is in the Scriptures. The best way to do it is the Biblical way to do it.

Yes, sometimes there are exceptions to that. When I say exceptions, I’ve heard of cases of where a woman led her husband to everything he ever is. but he is still under his wife’s shadow. He has to take that role of leadership.

A wife ought to still submit to her husband in everything that Yahweh allows. Even if he does tell her to do things that are wrong, she can go away.

She can cry out to Yahweh for deliverance and for Him to make a way for her to be obedient to both her husband and to Yahweh.

Yes, there may be situations if Yahweh doesn’t bring deliverance where a very wicked, unbelieving, vile husband would demand his wife to commit sin against Yahweh, especially if she is struggling in the area of gentleness and quietness and submission.

But if she has been in prayer and if she has been crying out to Yahweh for deliverance, and she has made a humble appeal to her husband, it’s okay to appeal, then at the last possible moment she sees there is no way out of committing it, then she would have to say, “I just can’t do it.”

The man is obviously not willing to live with her.

If he is rebellious and vile and is constantly trying to subvert you and hate you and treat you with disrespect and there doesn’t seem to be any hope of ever saving the man, Paul said, Yahushua never commanded a believer to be with an unbeliever.

If that person is an unbeliever, try to stay together if you can, if the husband is willing to live with you.

If the only conditions upon which the husband is willing to live with you is if you sin against Yahweh, that’s the very danger Yahweh warned against when forbidding marriages between believers and unbelievers.

Deuteronomy 7:3 – Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son.

Deuteronomy 7:4 – For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of YAHWEH will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly.

Paul wasn’t giving his advice in a way that transgressed Torah because even he said:

2Corinthians 6:14 – Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

2Corinthians 6:15 – And what accord has Messiah with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

The goal and the aim and the intent is to bring salvation to the other person.

1Corinthians 7:16 – For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save [your] husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save [your] wife?

That is the context. A wife is not going to save the soul of her husband by joining him in the sin he is committing, and a husband is not going to save the soul of his wife if she is continually rebelliously rejecting the love Yahushua has given to the point of being a stumbling block for his own salvation, if she has no desire whatsoever for spiritual things.

This is all a case by case basis. There is not one size fits all.

One of the things we have to look at is the children. If there are children involved, especially, and a person obviously is not going to come to salvation, then the option for divorce is available.

The children are sanctified by the believer, but if you’re with a spouse who is utterly rebellious and wicked, and they blaspheme the way of the Truth, then I do think impact on the children should be a major factor in the decision.

Whether to remain with them or leave them, everything needs to be handled with diligent prayer and seeking the will of Yahweh with brothers and sisters who understand Yahweh’s will in these areas. There are cases where a person has to leave their spouse.

Matthew 19:29 – And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name’s sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life.

Yahushua would never have bothered to say this if there were not times when it was necessary. There is a promise. Everyone who has had to do this for His name’s sake, shall receive a hundred fold. Purposely trying to make that happen is not Yahweh’s will.

The goal is to love and to save our spouses, but sometimes it may be necessary to depart.

To conclude our study, Brothers, I am personally struck, I was ten years ago when I wrote this, I still am struck with the similarities with the morality standards of the Roman Empire in Ancient Rome and the empire of the secular world that we have today. Ancient Rome did not punish adultery. It became common and fashionable.

Abortions were readily available in those days and frequently considered necessary by those who did them.

There were pedophiles and whores. Amphitheaters had visual pornography. The religious leaders of that day, the Pharisees, tried to get some kind of moral standard going by upholding the importance of marriage and moral chastity.

But then they degraded the holy institution of marriage itself by allowing divorce between believers. When Yahushua came on the scene, He lifted up a holy standard that Yahweh himself established at the very beginning of creation: man and woman coming together as one flesh to create a holy seed of Elohim.

Just as our Master came on the scene of a wicked and adulterous generation and proclaimed to the people of Yahweh the ancient path, the higher plan that Yahweh established at creation, we also need to cry out to the people of Yahweh in this world today, in this wicked and adulterous generation, to not forsake Yahweh’s plan and purposes for our lives.

What Elohim has joined together, let no man separate.

Believers should reject the worldly and self seeking ways of only remaining married to the one you love and divorcing them when you don’t. We should reject those things. We need to walk in the holy and righteous way of loving the one you marry just as Scripture commands us to do. Between two believers, there is no divorce. Period.

This understanding of divorce and remarriage will bring the whole Word of Yahweh together as one counsel for all mankind. It upholds the Torah that Yahweh intended from the very beginning. It uphold the standard that Yahweh set when He forbade marriages to unbelievers.

It upholds the Scriptures in Nehemiah and Ezra where men were commanded to divorce their unbelieving wives.

It upholds the Scriptures in Paul’s writings where he allows for the divorce of unbelievers. It upholds the sanctity of marriage between people who love Yahweh. It upholds the moral integrity of the assembly by casting out the unrepentant but forgiving the repentant.

And, best of all, it enables Yahweh to fulfill HIs desire for marriage, not split homes, but one man, one woman joined together as one flesh to produce a seed of Elohim that will glorify Him. It is His will that fathers and mothers will let the little children come unto Yahushua.

That is what we need to do, we need to let the little children come unto Yahushua. Don’t create insecurity in them by divorcing.

Yahushua did not put an end to everything in the generation He lived in.

He could have set up HIs kingdom then. What is He waiting on now? Today, even today He is waiting on more children to be born that they might be saved also. Divorce between believers destroy a child’s faith and security.

We need to separate ourselves from the people of the land and walk in the way that Yahweh ordained for man and woman and walk in love even when our spouses do not. That is Yahweh’s plan for our life. I know that we are always happiest when we are doing just what we are created to do.

Do not let Satan to divide and conquer. There is no excuse. Conquer evil with goodness, righteousness, virtue.

When we do that at home, then Yahweh’s people will be one. One body, one faith, one Spirit, one bride under one Master with one baptism. Do not divide what Yahweh desires to make one.

Yahushua prayed for us.

John 17:20 – I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word;

That is us. It is talking about HIs disciples. If we believe in the Messiah through the words of the disciples.

John 17:21 – that they all may be one, as You, Father, [are] in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.

Will the world believe? Let’s live our lives in such a way that everyone will be drawn to Him. In this our Father is glorified that our homes would be filled with HIs love so that all who know and see His disciples, will find Yahushua in their midst.

It is only when we love and live as Yahushua loved and lived that we are living as His disciples, most fitly joined together as one body in HIm.

So, brothers, it is high time we forsake the divorce and the division in the body of Messiah, and that we join together with one voice in the assemblies, in the congregations, to remember unforgiveness in nothing more than unwillingness to give what we receive from Yahweh.

It is high time that we let the full counsel of Yahweh’s Word speak on this issue so that all the confusion can come to an end.

It is high time that all of us as men, turn our hearts to our children, and that children turn their hearts to their parents so that spiritual leadership can reign in the home. It is high time women forsake their career minded goals and start being mothers to their children and submissive to their husbands. Then our children will not be caused to stumble.

Then our children can be like olive plants around our table, filled with the anointing oil of Yahweh’s Spirit and secure in their parents’ love for them and their commitment and love toward one another.

Psalms 128:2 – When you eat the labor of your hands, You [shall be] happy, and [it shall be] well with you.

Psalms 128:3 – Your wife [shall be] like a fruitful vine In the very heart of your house, Your children like olive plants All around your table.

Psalms 128:4 – Behold, thus shall the man be blessed Who fears YAHWEH.

Psalms 128:5 – YAHWEH bless you out of Zion, And may you see the good of Jerusalem All the days of your life.

Psalms 128:6 – Yes, may you see your children’s children. Peace [be] upon Israel!

Beautiful, beautiful Psalm. May we all fear Yahweh enough to remove the stumbling blocks of our age from our presence and from the presence of our children, so that our lives may be the fruitful vines which produce the Spirit-filled children of Yahweh who bring our children’s children into the new Yerushalayim.

Yahweh help us all. May Yahweh strengthen us all.

May we be what He has called us to be, and if we haven’t been, Yahweh help us. Yahweh help us to be. How about you and I, brothers, sisters, you and I, all of us, from this day forward, we are going to join hands in the Spirit, and we are going to love in the face of adversity, in the face of the lack of love.

And any members of our household, or anyone outside our household, we’re going to love no matter what.

How about we do that? How about we commit to that? Then we will be fulfilling Yahweh’s plan, and then we will know what Yahweh has joined together, no man should separate. Yahweh has already joined us together as one bride, let’s remain together, and let’s pray.

Father Yahweh, in the name of Your Son, Yahushua haMashiach, we praise You, Father. We thank You, for those of us who are married, we thank You for our spouses. We thank You for Your mercies toward all of us. We thank You for the ways you have led us. We thank You for showing us our own foolishness, our own lack of Messiah like behavior.

Open our hearts, Father, to receive Your Word with joy and to put our trust completely in You, Father, and to not worry and to not be fearful, but to know that if we do what You have called us to do, as husbands and wives, just as You blessed Franz and his family,

You will bless us, and You will be with us, and You will tie us all together in one love, in one body, as one bride unto Messiah, Father. Let it be so.

And Father, forgive us where we have failed to be that, Father. Forgive those of us who are husbands who have said a harsh word or been angry or anything in our leadership that has not been according to the Messiah. And Father, forgive the wives who have not submitted to You completely and trusted in You.

Father, we want our families to glorify You. We want to be a testimony in our communities.

Help us to be all You’ve called us to be. It is through and by Your Son, Yahushua haMashiach, we praise You, and we lift You up, for truly Yours is the kingdom and power and glory forever and ever. In Yahushua’s Name, Amen.