Selfishness as a Spectrum
As we mature in life, it’s hard to see selfishness as a part of us. We learn to give and take, share and keep, include or exclude, all with its consequences. Some of us learn early (middle children) and some of us learn late (only children). Then, there are exceptions, where mothers make it a point to instruct their children and train them to act in unselfish ways.
No matter how much training we receive, selfishness is an innate part of us. It comes as a spectrum, where the most severe and obvious displays of selfishness are seen daily to the other end, where there appears to be no selfishness at all. It still exists, it is just well hidden from the untrained eye. Do we ever leave this spectrum? Yes, but we are getting ahead of ourselves.
Understanding the Connection
How can we recognize selfishness if we have had it all our lives? That is a good question and most of us in western civilizations have a tougher time recognizing it because we are immersed in cultures that promote selfishness. It’s a part of our lives.
Some examples of selfishness are obvious. When people refuse to share of their abundance, we know that to be selfishness. Those who decline to help others in need are noticeably selfish. There are individuals who are vocal about the poor and project their own standards on everyone. They may say things like, “everyone has the chance to be rich, but these people want to be poor.” “They are just looking for handouts.” “If you want a better life, you have to work for it.”
Although they may feel sincere in their statements, they are not taking in the other person’s perspective or need in the moment. (When we are discussing needs, it’s the basic needs of life, food, clothing, and shelter.) It is not up to us to decide why people are in a state of poverty, we are called to reach out to the poor and needy. Some examples are Lev. 23:22; Deut. 15:7-8, 11; Matt. 19:21; Mark 10:21; Luke 14:13-14.
Other examples of selfishness are hidden in statements that we accept in our western culture:
- What about me?
- I deserve it.
- I only need to take care of myself.
- It’s mine and I don’t have to share it.
- I worked hard for it.
- Get your own.
- Get a job (when asked for money for basic needs).
- You need to work harder.
Now keep in mind, this is concerning the needs in life, not the wants. We sometimes get that mixed up and think that our wants are needs when they are not. Plus, self-care isn’t always selfishness. Each of us are responsible for taking care of ourselves. It’s important that we do because no one will do that for us.
The dividing line is when we think that we only need to take care of ourselves and everyone else can fend for themselves, that perception is dangerously selfish because we are not sharing out of our abundance. Proverbs 28:27 exemplifies that as it says, “he who give to the poor will not lack, But he who hides his eyes will have many curses.”
The Key to Change
In the final words of the first section, Selfishness as a Spectrum, the question arose, Do we ever leave this spectrum? The answer is yes, but it isn’t as cut and dry as we hoped it to be. Selfishness is an innate part of us, that is for sure, and as we learn to follow Yahushua’s footsteps, we learn to be selfless, as He was. It is a path that few like to tread on because of how selfishness screams as it is put in last place instead of first place.
While we may act selfless in many areas, only Yah can judge our hearts to be pure and selfless, not others. We know in ourselves what we feel and our motives for acting and doing. We also can detect whether or not we are being selfless or selfish.
Change becomes a lifestyle choice when dealing with selfishness. Of course, we would rather graduate from selfishness and never look at it again, feeling completely free from it, but it doesn’t work like that. It’s a choice, a second-by-second choice. Every time we choose for our own gain (even if it’s for a simple matter), we are choosing selfishness. When it’s put like that, most of us mature believers have never arrived even close to living a selfless life.
Motives Are Key to Guaging Change
That may be hard to grasp, but when we look at our motives for doing what we do, few live selfless. For example, helping the poor is a daily task. It’s hard not to think that they should be able to help themselves. Once we get past that and accept the fact that we are commanded to help the poor (Deut. 24:14), then we graduate from being selfish openly. Now we face the inward selfishness in our motives. Are we helping the poor because they need it? Are we doing it to make ourselves look good?
In the long run, those who help the poor because they need it will last longer than those who are trying to make themselves look good. Motives that are selfish driven tend to expose themselves after a while. It only takes a season to discover that the selfish people are looking to gain fro their service.
Question your own heart each time you reach out to help someone. Are you doing it to look good? Do you think that if you give, you can also take? What are your thoughts about those who are in a chronic state of poverty? Then compare yourself to Yahushua when He reached out to the poor. Do you measure up?
Each time you choose to help others out of a pure heart, you are shedding more of your own selfishness.
Your Call to Action
When you are blessed with something, take a moment to give of that blessing. Give a portion of your blessing to someone else that you may know is struggling. If you don’t know anyone, pray and ask Yahweh who to bless it with and He will give you a name or a face. Share your blessing with them but say nothing to them about their struggles. It’s a good big step towards selflessness.
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