Navigating the Unknown

I want to share with you something from my heart that really put things into perspective for me, recently. Often times, we struggle in this area of life because it’s a tough go to admit that maybe we don’t have all the answers. While some may call it pride, I think it’s more a lack of awareness in relation to our place as children of the most High Yahweh. It might even be fear in a very recessed place in our hearts.

Navigating the unknown is hard at best, practicing faith and trusting in Yahweh is tough, but when other people come into our lives and share advice (often unsolicited from us) or give their tidbits, it can be too much for us to handle. Who invited them into this, anyways? On the other hand, am I really being prideful? Maybe I am just not aware of all the different perspectives to my situation. Maybe I am ignorant? You decide.

I know from personal experience that while I am living through the challenge, I can share my struggles, but I don’t know of (or cannot foresee) any real solutions. Others who offer the solutions, I don’t always see them as workable in my situation, and I turn them away.

In hindsight, the real problem is that I can’t solve my problems at the same level as I exist in them. The solution is usually beyond my understanding. That’s where faith and trust come into play. I need to trust others enough to take steps that don’t make sense to me or work for my own understanding. There are things that they see that I can’t see at all.

In short, any solutions that have been offered to me that I haven’t accepted illustrate a new (and bigger) problem: refusing to be accountable. My rejection of these solutions only exhibits my resistance to be accountable.

In my eyes, the solutions don’t fit into my perspective and how I handle life. Therefore, it makes sense to me not to accept them. In everyone else’s view, I am not only refusing to be accountable, but my integrity is questionable. The question that rises quietly is if it’s that bad, why is she refusing help? What I will attract are others who thrive in self-pity; they want to complain and criticize others. They are content to enjoy the emotional rush of being recognized, but they refuse anything that requires them to change.

I know because I’ve been there. I’ve lived it. In the end, my voice feels squashed, but in reality, I squashed it myself because I enjoyed the great amount of compassion that came in response to my voice but refused anything that would threaten my position to continue speaking.

In a particular situation of the recent past (that is, in the last decade), Yahweh relented and stopped sending help altogether and proceeded to let me have my way for a time. For me, life got worse. I prayed for more help, but it didn’t come. Yahweh prompted me to work on myself, but I refused. The spiral continued until finally, I surrendered to Yahweh and accepted the help He sent, even though it looked nothing like help to me. Slowly, step by step, I learned to walk a different path. The one element that I didn’t take into account was fear. I was afraid to step out and self-reliance became my coping mechanism as I navigated the unknown. I was going to figure it out on my own! I was afraid of solutions because they represented the unknown (and uncomfortable and scary) territory. What if the solutions were not real? What if I didn’t deserve them? What if I didn’t measure up enough to be worthy of them? What if the people trying to help me discovered my quirks and flaws and then reject me? What if?

Since then, I have learned to trust completely in Yahweh and take steps of faith, even when I didn’t understand. I have also learned to take advice from older sisters and brothers who were sincerely trying to help. Self-reliance while navigating the unknown has almost dissipated from my life, as I began to be a team player in life, working with others instead of against them.

I still navigate the unknown, but not alone. Others allow me to choose my own path, but they share along the way their wisdom; I also do the same for those who are going through their unknown path for the first time. To use a word picture, it’s like crossing a bridge in thick fog. The first time you do it, you move very slowly because you don’t know what’s ahead. Then you go back and repeat the process until you can cross that bridge with your eyes closed. Soon, you see others who are standing near the threshold of the same bridge. You cross back over and encourage them to come because you’ve been there and you know the way, but you also know how they feel because you’ve been there many times before….