(Originally written 10/21/2022.)
Forgiveness is more than being religious or spiritual. It’s one-sided. It’s about dealing with your inward heart.
Many of us are taught that once we forgive, we must forget. That doesn’t come easy with some offenses. Forgiveness and reconciliation are two different concepts…
Well-meaning people often misinterpret forgiveness. Most people have the idea that when you forgive, you forget. You’re just supposed to forget what happened to you, reinstate the offender, and act like nothing happened.
That’s a very glossed over, misunderstood perspective of forgiveness. Plus, it inadequately masquerades as a principle (something that works all the time, under any kind of circumstance). It’s not easy to forgive someone who steps in line ahead of you while you’ve been waiting over 15 minutes. Or what about your eager neighbor, who’s waiting for his money, but he mowed over your garden. Do people expect you to forgive and “forget” the incident?
Forgive And Forget: A Blanket Concept?
Likewise, it’s very difficult to forgive and forget when it comes to more devastating events, like someone stealing money out of your wallet, that hard-earned money. Money that you sacrificed to make, to pay bills, buy groceries would be gone in a second. It would fall into the hands of someone who doesn’t understand the value of hard work.
The Pain Of Vehicle Accidents
Or what about a loved one falling victim to the mistakes others make? Firstly, consider the devastating realm of the aftermath of accidents encompasses untold injuries, ranging from mild to severe. Secondly, it only takes a second for your life to change from thriving to barely surviving, from successful to powerless as you watch helplessly a beloved family member struggling to breathe. And one of the hardest ordeals to face unfolds when you learn that your loved one dies in a car accident. No chance to tell them that you love them. They aren’t coming home. Their seat will remain empty at the dining room or kitchen table. Gone in an instant.
The Horror Of Being Violated
Likewise, take into consideration a woman who is raped? How do you explain that her will, forcefully shredded into bits, doesn’t mean anything? Her sense of security feels nonexistent. Safety has dissolved into terror. The mere few seconds that transpired between her normal life and this tragic event splinters her trust, self-worth, and her ability to logically reason into thousands of tiny shards. Her body feels dirty. She feels violated. There is no safe place now. So, what does she do? Does she just shrug her shoulders and forgive the rapist? Does popular opinion allow the threat of a rapist walking free to thrive and the victim to accept that and move one like nothing happened?
Do these people just reinstate the offender back into their lives without a second thought? Should they accept them with open arms and tell everyone that what just happened was no big deal? Does everything go on like business as usual?
To be continued…
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