With this message I will be daring to step into territory that few ministers are willing to go. I know that as a result of this message, I will not be winning the popularity contest, but the alternative is to water down the truth. Watering down the truth isn’t a characteristic I want to be responsible for on the day of judgment.
In this modern day, where the women’s liberation movement has won the hearts of many, women have taken on responsibilities and duties that go beyond what Yahweh ever intended. Yahweh created men and women, each to fulfill a distinct purpose and role in life. For example, men cannot bear or nurse children and women do not have the physical strength to do some of the work that men can do. Let’s examine the creation account to learn more about the will of Yahweh for woman:
Genesis 2:18- And Yahweh Elohim said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
We see that Yahweh concluded it was not good for man to be alone. Therefore, we could conclude that one of the purposes for creating woman was to be a companion. Secondly, we learn that Yahweh desired to make a suitable helper for Adam. Therefore, being a helper for Adam is one of the purposes Yahweh had for creating her. We read later that Yahweh created woman from man:
Genesis 2:21- And Yahweh Elohim caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 – And the rib, which Yahweh Elohim had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 – And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 – Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
So woman was created and brought to Adam. In one moment, she did not exist. In the next moment, she was alive and was brought to Adam to be a help to him. Do you think that she had any problem finding her role? Surely she knew exactly why she was made.
Today, many women do not know. Because popular culture has lost touch which woman’s created purpose, we have to look back to why Yahweh created woman, and what He expects of her.
So what needs to happen is a change in perspective. A completely different outlook. One that sets aside the way we are raised, the way society says things should be and looks solely to Yahweh and His word for instruction on the right perspective. As we previously discussed when we looked into the scriptural concepts of Motherhood and the role of women at home, we need to do so with understanding the will of Yahweh for wives and how they relate to their husbands.
A helper is one who serves another. It is not a lowly calling, for even Yahushua came to serve:
Matthew 20:28- Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
Her role is to serve and help her husband in any way he may need. Every army needs people on the front lines, and also people taking care of necessary things such as providing meals, clean uniforms, supplies, etc.
The same is true at home. While the husband is working to provide sustenance for the household, spiritually nourishing his wife and children, fighting Yahweh’s battles in the spiritual war against the enemy, and other important tasks, he needs support in various necessary things like someone to manage the house, nurse and nurture the children, provide food and clean clothes, and other basic necessities of life. This is not to say he can’t help in these other matters, but this is a system that has worked for thousands of years.
Because of the nature of her position as helper, scripture is quite clear that wives are to be the submissive partner in a marriage:
Colossians 3:18- Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in Yahweh.
It is the correct and fitting thing to do. It is part of the duty and role of a wife.
I once worked alongside service technicians and construction workers as a “helper.” Helpers are never in the lead, they are there to assist the service technician or construction worker in doing his job.
Every government, every business, every organization where multiple people are working together in a collective effort has leadership. The ones who are in the position of leadership are not necessarily smarter, better or inherently greater than anyone else, but they are the ones held responsible so they have to be able to take the lead.
The same is true of families. Although the goal is always that husband and wife agree on every decision, at the end of the day someone has to be given the freedom to make the final decision if they disagree. This arrangement allows for peace to be in the home. Strife is a work of the flesh that can result in the loss of salvation if one is willing to practice it (Galatians 5:19-22, see study) .
This leadership is full and complete:
Ephesians 5:22- Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto Yahweh. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Messiah is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the congregation is subject unto Messiah, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Submit, as unto Yahweh? In every thing? Yes, this is what the scriptures teach. A wife should be submissive to her husband as if she is submitting to Yahweh Himself.
We know that Yahweh desires us to submit to His will in everything, even the small things. Even so, a wife should submit to her husband in everything, including the small things.
It is true that anyone in leadership can abuse their position. This is why it’s so important for women to be sure they marry someone who will not abuse their position – someone who will lead, not control. If a husband chooses to abuse his position, he should be held accountable to the elders in the congregation.
A husband should not act like He IS Yahweh, but a wife should submit to her husband’s word as if it is Yahweh’s word (unless of course, he tells her to sin). It should be done cheerfully and without complaining or even a hint of displeasure.
Perhaps this seems silly and trite to some, but we need to remember that our actions are not only on display before Yahweh, but also in front of our children. Because the relationship of the wife and husband is a mirror of the relationship of the assembly and the Messiah, she is setting the example to the children of how wonderful and blessed it is to be obedient to the Messiah when she is being obedient to her husband. If she has any hint of rebellion or resentment at what the husbands speaks, believes, requests or demands, she is teaching her children how to be rebellious by her example.
Most of the success in raising children will center around the husband and wife relationship, and whether they are at peace rather than at war. If the husband is cruel, harsh and easily angered, this is how the children will often view Yahweh. If the wife is proud, rebellious, treats her husband like he is a fool, they will have a far greater difficulty submitting to Yahweh properly, if they ever even have a desire to.
We want our children say to themselves when they are raised, “Wow, I want to have a home like my Mother and Father did!” We don’t want to hear, “Wow, am I ever glad to get out of that place!“
Much of that hinges on the husband and wife’s relationship. I believe that this is why some families seem to raise righteous and well balanced children with seemingly little effort, while other families that pour all of their energies into raising their children find them rebelling later in life. Oh, how important this is!
To what extent does the husband have authority over his wife? Let’s see what the Torah says:
Numbers 30:1- And Moses spake unto the heads of the tribes concerning the children of Israel, saying, This is the thing which Yahweh hath commanded. 2 – If a man vow a vow unto Yahweh, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth. 3 – If a woman also vow a vow unto Yahweh, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father’s house in her youth; 4 – And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand. 5 – But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and Yahweh shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her. 6 – And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; 7 – And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. 8 – But if her husband` disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and Yahweh shall forgive her.
Here we see that the husband’s authority even extends to the wife’s speech. He can even annul a vow that she has spoken, make it to no effect in the eyes of Yahweh and Yahweh will accept it! His authority appears to be equal to that of a Father over his daughter. This may be difficult for many to accept, but it is true and it is right there in the word of Yahweh. This is so far from the way of the world today! Yet, there is nothing new under the sun:
Isaiah 3:12- As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths.
Sisters, it is time for a change in perspective. A perspective that is in unity with the word of Yahweh.
Don’t let the enemy lie to you, there is freedom in the ways of Yahweh! It’s a blessing not to have to be the one who has to wrestle over tough decisions and then be held accountable to Yahweh for them. Respect how difficult his job really is, and come alongside him to support him, pray for him, and encourage him. That’s one of the greatest ways you fulfill Yahweh’s created purpose for you, to be that helper suitable for him.
To the world, all of our obedience looks like bondage, but we know how much it sets us free. It isn’t bondage at all, it is the way of Yahweh! The ways of Yahweh are truth, light and love. It is the enemies of Yahweh that call it bondage:
1 John 5:2- By this we know that we love the children of Elohim, when we love Elohim, and keep his commandments. 3 – For this is the love of Elohim, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.
It is rebellion that is in the heart of Satan. It is written:
Isaiah 14:12- How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations! 13 – For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of Elohim: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: 14 – I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High. 15 – Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.
Rebellion against Yahweh’s authority is Satan’s desire. He wanted to be exalted and in the position of the one to whom he had to submit. He wanted to be ‘like the Most High’.
The women who want to lead, and aspire to be like their husbands in matters of authority are not following Yahweh’s leading, but rather the desire of Yahweh’s enemy! This is very dangerous ground for a wife to tread. Eve (Chawwah) apparently had the same aspirations in the garden of Eden, to be like Elohim knowing good and evil. Satan fed her these aspirations:
Genesis 3:4- And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: 5 – For Elohim doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
She chose to eat the fruit, to be like the Most High. Women must be on guard against this form of Rebellion! There are many forms of it. One of them is contentiousness:
Proverbs 21:19- It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
Let it not be so among the sisters in the faith. If a woman should be submissive to her husband as unto Yahweh, then her contentiousness is also like contending with Yahweh:
Isaiah 45:9- Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? or thy work, He hath no hands?
Yahweh has placed the husbands in the position of authority over the wives, not unlike Yahweh placed Moshe in the position of authority over the children of Israel. In every case that the children of Israel spoke against Moshe, Yahweh viewed it as murmuring against Him. Let’s examine what took place to the children of Israel who spoke against one in authority over them:
Numbers 16:1- Now Korah, the son of Izhar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, and Dathan and Abiram, the sons of Eliab, and On, the son of Peleth, sons of Reuben, took men: 2 – And they rose up before Moses, with certain of the children of Israel, two hundred and fifty princes of the assembly, famous in the congregation, men of renown: 3 – And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and YAHWEH is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of YAHWEH? 4 – And when Moses heard it, he fell upon his face:
And what did Yahweh later do with those that stood up against Moshe?
Numbers 16:31- And it came to pass, as he had made an end of speaking all these words, that the ground clave asunder that was under them: 32 – And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah, and all their goods. 33 – They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation.
You would think that people would repent at this event? But we read later that:
Numbers 16:41- But on the morrow all the congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron, saying, Ye have killed the people of YAHWEH.
There was seemingly no end to their rebellion. Yahweh expected that The children of Israel were to respect Moshe’s authority as unto Yahweh and not murmur or complain against him. This does not mean that Moshe was Yahweh but it does mean that any authority that is from Yahweh is to be obeyed and respected as unto Yahweh:
Romans 13:1- Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of Elohim: the powers that be are ordained of Elohim. 2 – Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of Elohim: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
The principle of authority is the same. This does not mean that the husband is greater than the wife in any way, shape or form. It doesn’t mean that he is her spiritual superior. In fact:
Galatians 3:28- There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Messiah Yahushua.
Some take this verse to the extreme, but surely this doesn’t mean that men now need to find a way to bear and nurse children, since there is neither male nor female in the Messiah Yahushua!
Every husband and every wife has a certain role to fulfill before Yahweh. A role that they were created to accomplish. This is where Yahweh has placed each, and there should be no grumbling and complaining by any spouse concerning what duty Yahweh has given us! We need to not only respect, but LOVE the calling we are given and love Yahweh’s will for our lives. Enjoy the blessing of Yahweh!
Wives, you can be the crown of your husband or rottenness in his bones:
Proverbs 12:4- A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
It is all your choice. Seek to be his crown.
Proverbs 27:15- A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. 16 – Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself.
The choice is yours to make, but I say, use discretion and fear Yahweh!
Proverbs 11:22- As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.
Proverbs 31:30- Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth Yahweh, she shall be praised.
It is Yahweh that we all should fear. But too often, a fear of circumstances, a fear that the wrong decision will be made, and a fear of what the future may hold controls her life and prevents her from trusting. YES, the goal is that the husband and wife are always in unity with every decision that is made.
But if he does make a decision, Yahweh says to be in subjection, even if a man doesn’t obey the word himself:
1 Peter 3:1- Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 – While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Notice that it isn’t the constant complaining or wearing down that makes needed changes in a husband’s life, but the quiet, chaste conversation of the wife, coupled with a genuine fear of Yahweh. Righteous examples are more convincing than many words.
If your husband is disobedient in any way, don’t feel that you need to win him with your words. Scripture says to win him without using words. Let your conduct speak volumes.
Above all, take any things that disturb you to Yahweh who can bring about the changes you desire. When a thought against your husband enters your mind and you know it is a wrong thought, pray IMMEDIATELY that Yahweh will take the thought away and ask Him to take that thought captive and cast it far from you, never to return. It is the enemy:
2 Corinthians 10:3- For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: 4 – for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through Elohim to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5 – Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of Elohim, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Messiah; 6 – And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.
This is relying on the strength of Yahweh to overcome. Rather than badgering your husband about the things you do not like, tell him how much you appreciate the things he does and let him know that you support him in whatever decisions he makes.
Remember that any correction you provide him should be done in humility. If he corrects himself due to your admonitions, any correcting he does will likely be (in his mind) just because you (the leader) told him to do it. It is good to avoid this situation and it’s important that he has the freedom to hear from Yahweh. Therefore, take things to Yahweh in abundance. But if he asks you for advice, then speak.
Many wives I know have great testimonies of what Yahweh does when she takes things to Him. He can do such a better job! How can a wife convince her husband to be obedient to the word if she is enabling the word of Yahweh to be blasphemed while trying to convince Him?
Titus 2:3- The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 – That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 – To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of Elohim be not blasphemed.
We see that a disobedient wife who claims to love Yahweh brings about reproach on Yahweh’s word. The best thing you can do to help your husband be a spiritual leader is to refrain from getting in the way! Many women desire that their husband be the kind of leader that Yahweh wants them to be, but they are the ones preventing that from becoming a reality. Wives can “support” their leader, but to “lead their husband to be a leader” is impossible because she is still the one doing the leading!
Continuing in 1 Kepha/Peter:
1 Peter 3:3- Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 – But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of Elohim of great price. 5 – For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in Elohim, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 – Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him master: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
Sarah is given as an example of a submissive wife who adorned herself with a meek and quiet spirit. The holy women of old adorned themselves with humility and subjections to their own husbands. Do you desire to be a daughter of Sarah? You must do well and not fear. You must fear Yahweh, but you must not fear what will happen if you allow your husband to lead. It isn’t about trusting in man, it’s about trusting in Yahweh as verse 1 Peter 3:5 said. Therefore:
Proverbs 3:5- Trust in Yahweh with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
This is what the holy women of old had as their adornment. The foolish women were not so, Job’s wife was a woman who prompted her husband to do evil:
Job 2:9- Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse Elohim, and die
The Septuagint, a Greek translation of the scriptures that predate the Masoretic Text has in this verse:
Job 2:9- And when much time had passed, his wife said to him, How long wilt thou hold out, saying, Behold, I wait yet a little while, expecting the hope of my deliverance? for, behold, thy memorial is abolished from the earth, even thy sons and daughters, the pangs and pains of my womb which I bore in vain with sorrows; and thou thyself sittest down to spend the nights in the open air among the corruption of worms, and I am a wanderer and a servant from place to place and house to house, waiting for the setting of the sun, that I may rest from my labours and my pangs which now beset me: but say some word against Yahweh, and die.
So the Septuagint records a more detailed description of what took place here. If this is true, she really did a sales pitch for forsaking Yahweh. Her mind was on the temporal things of this world rather than on believing and trusting in Yahweh. But Job refused to allow circumstances, whether good or evil, to allow him to forsake Yahweh. This is what needs to be done, trust Yahweh, acknowledge Him in all our ways, and He will direct our paths:
Proverbs 3:5- Trust in Yahweh with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 – In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 7 – Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear Yahweh, and depart from evil. 8 – It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
Consider for a moment the great blessing in the home of a wife who heeds these words. She can truly be the gift from Yahweh to her husband that she was created to be:
Proverbs 19:14- House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from Yahweh.
James 1:17- Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
She can rest, knowing that she is in good hands, the hands of Yahweh. Because she is no longer in opposition to the authority Yahweh created, she can know and believe that Yahweh will take care of her. This is freedom. Freedom from worry because she is in Yahweh’s hands. Freedom from strife in the home because she is no longer in opposition to her husband and her children follow that example of submission to authority. Freedom from having the weight of the world on her shoulders. I call on wives to enter in. Enter in this place of freedom where there is true shalom/peace and happiness. The place where Yahweh created a wife to be. The place of eternal life.
In conclusion, I realize that there are many other areas that are worthy of consideration when examining the roles of Fathers, husbands, mothers and wives, but the things I have shared are some of the most common areas where people fall short in the home.
One thing is certain: we need to get beyond the blame game, wives blaming their husbands and husbands blaming their wives. There is plenty of blame to go around for failures in the home.
Therefore, I have a challenge, that none of us read this message thinking about how our spouses need to change in this area or that. Let’s ponder the things written herein with the thoughts of things that WE need to change. Once we have made the change, it will create the best environment for the other one to change.
None of us will be able to stand before Yahweh and blame the other for any failure in their role. Adam tried it and it didn’t work at all. Men will not be able to stand before Yahweh and say “I didn’t honor and care for her like I should because she did this and that”. Women will not be able to stand before Yahweh and say “I didn’t submit to my husband because he did this and that”. Yahweh will examine each of our works in light of His word. He will judge whether it was good or evil and each one of us will need to answer for it.
Ecclesiastes 12:13- Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear Elohim, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. 14 – For Elohim shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.
With Yahweh’s strength, a mighty work can be done. Let’s not forget the vision, the desire to bring our children up in righteousness. But, let’s rely on His strength, for only then can we do it.
Psalm 109:26- Help me, O Yahweh my Elohim: O save me according to thy mercy: 27 – That they may know that this is thy hand; that thou, Yahweh, hast done it.
Now read: Children, Turn Your Hearts!