Related Articles: ABUSE: What is it? How do we Solve it? | Resolving Verbal Abuse of Children | Resolving Verbal Abuse in Marriage | Healing from Abuse (Coming soon)

Up until now we have addressed the topic of verbal abuse toward children and between husbands and wives. In this segment we are going to look at forms of abuse being done toward another person’s body, whether it be physical abuse or sexual abuse.

In this study we are going to frankly discuss these two types of abuse, and for this reason the study may not be appropriate for children.

PHYSICAL ABUSE TOWARD SPOUSE

Yahweh created the human body to be a vessel for accomplishing His will, and for glorifying Him. He created our minds, our arms and our legs to be instruments of love, instruments of righteousness. 

Romans 6:13 – And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to Elohim as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to Elohim.

I’ve noticed that men who are larger physically than average have a greater tendency to be violent. This is because their large size tends to intimidate people, and some large men have learned early on that they can use their physical size to control others or control situations.

When they get married, they have already learned to get what they want through the threat of violence so if they have not been taught to respect women and children, they follow that same pattern of using violence or the threat of violence to lead and control their wife and children.

Then there are others who are smaller in size who may have been bullied when they were young or adopted “Napoleon Syndrome”. So when it comes time for them to be the one in control, they bully their wives and/or children into submission.

Every so often I get contacted by women who are being abused and battered by their husbands.. even in some cases abused by husbands that claim to be a believer in Yahweh. 

Men who choose to do this are in clear violation of scripture, which says that we are not to oppress one another.

Lev. 25:17 – Therefore you shall not oppress one another, but you shall fear your Mighty One; for I am Yahweh your Mighty One.

Lev. 19:13 – ‘You shall not oppress your neighbor, nor rob him. The wages of a hired man are not to remain with you all night until morning.

And the Torah also says:

Lev. 24:19-20 – `If a man causes disfigurement of his neighbor, as he has done, so shall it be done to him–
 <sup>20</sup> `fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth; as he has caused disfigurement of a man, so shall it be done to him.

This is a clear example of one human being abusing another human being. In such cases, the sentencing guidelines for the judges in Israel is to have done to him what he did to another.

If a man puts a bruise on his wife, the sentencing guidelines in the Torah would require that person to receive a bruise. It’s a great deterrent, but today the man will likely just go to jail.

Yahweh wants us to love one another as ourselves. Men are especially commanded to love their wives, just as we would our own bodies:

Eph. 5:28-31 – So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
 ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Master does the church.
 ³⁰ For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
 ³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

So if you hurt your wife, you are actually not only guilty of abusing your wife, but also you are guilty of abusing yourself. It’s a spirit akin to suicide. 

But it’s not only hurting your wife and hurting yourself. It’s also hurting Yahushua. Imagine that, you are abusing the body of Yahushua when you abuse your wife’s body.

Matt. 25:40b – “….inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

Yahweh gave us men physical strength so that we could work hard, do some jobs that require heavy lifting and heavy labor, and also protect our families from oppressors. He did not give us our physical strength so that we could oppress and beat up our wives or children. 

The heart of oppression and abuse is taking advantage of someone’s disadvantage. The disadvantage is that they are physically weaker, and are therefore unable to defend themselves against a man’s physical strength.

Men are called to protect their families from being abused, and that is their responsibility. So men who choose to abuse are doing the very thing that they are required by Yahweh to protect their wives from.

In many cases, the same men who abuse their wives would probably jump up and defend their wives if someone else were to come up and try to physically hurt them. It’s crazy.

DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE?

Now, it is common in the religion of Islam, and sometimes among the Amish and Old order Mennonite communities for husbands to take the liberty to physically discipline their wives. The Koran actually tells men to beat their wives if you fear disloyalty or ill-conduct. 

This is wrong.

Children are disciplined so that we can properly prepare them for adulthood. Children do wrong things, but they live in a protective bubble, safely in their parents care, which shields them against the natural life consequences for wrong behavior.

For this reason, Yahweh wills it that we provide those consequences for them, including physical discipline. This becomes less needed, and therefore less necessary when they are older. It’s also less effective and more likely to damage their hearts than actually change their behavior. 

Young children are too young to reason in some moral issues, and for that reason corporal punishment is sometimes appropriate. Eventually, they get old enough to be reasoned with, and therefore children will reach an age when they are too old to spank.

Wives, however, are adults. They are capable of being reasoned with and were too old to spank a long time ago. And men, I assure you, you will damage their hearts if you decide that they need your discipline. 

Why? You’re treating your wife like she’s a child, damaging her sense of worth as a human being. Even if she gave consent, it will still damage her heart, AND your children’s hearts. It will also warp your children’s sense of a woman’s worth as they watch you hurt their mother. Then, when they are older, they will tell an embarrassing story about your abuse that you probably don’t want repeated.

We are supposed to be treating our wives like Yahushua treats us, His disciples.

In the first century, when Yahushua’s disciples did something wrong, did He say “Alright Peter, over my knee?” No, He gently and lovingly corrected them. How about the women that followed Him? Did He spank them or did He give them a choice?

He gave them a choice. 

Yahushua was hands-off. He gave each adult human his own space, and his own freedom to make a choice of whether to follow Him or not.

Isa. 53:9 – And they made His grave with the wicked– But with the rich at His death, Because He had done no violence, Nor was any deceit in His mouth.

When the disciples did wrong things, He didn’t spank. He spoke words of wisdom from the Spirit of Yahweh:

Mark 9:33-35 – Then He came to Capernaum. And when He was in the house He asked them, “What was it you disputed among yourselves on the road?”
 ³⁴ But they kept silent, for on the road they had disputed among themselves who would be the greatest.
 ³⁵ And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”

So don’t resort to attempts to control your wife physically. Speak humbly, but speak from the Holy Spirit. Speak in such a way that no one can resist the words of wisdom that you humbly speak.

Acts 6:9-10 – Then there arose some from what is called the Synagogue of the Freedmen (Cyrenians, Alexandrians, and those from Cilicia and Asia), disputing with Stephen.
 ¹⁰ And they were not able to resist the wisdom and the Spirit by which he spoke.

And then pray for her to hear those words that Yahweh gives you. 

If the Spirit and wisdom that comes from Yahweh doesn’t change her heart, I assure you that spanking her like a child will not change her heart.

Use wisdom.

James 3:13-15 – Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom.
 ¹⁴ But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth.
 ¹⁵ This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic.

James 3:16-18 –  For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.
 ¹⁷ But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.
 ¹⁸ Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Our goal is to lead our families with the gentle wisdom of Yahweh, just as Yahushua led His disciples. To control our wives with violence is simply evil. 

Don’t practice this evil, and disassociate with those who would counsel you to do it:

Proverbs 24:1-3 – Do not be envious of evil men, Nor desire to be with them;
 ² For their heart devises violence, And their lips talk of troublemaking.
 ³ Through wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established;

Proverbs 24:4-6 – By knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches.
 ⁵ A wise man is strong, Yes, a man of knowledge increases strength;
 ⁶ For by wise counsel you will wage your own war, And in a multitude of counselors there is safety.

Rather than building your house with violence, build it with wisdom. By knowledge it will be filled with the riches of Yahweh’s love and grace, and rather than using the strength of your hands to bully your wife into submission, use the strength of wisdom. 

If you are frustrated by your wife’s actions, rather than looking to violence, look to counselors, and let it be the wise counsel of the wise guide you when you lack the wisdom of how to handle things on your own. 

And this takes us back to the first segment where we examined the importance of accountability. 

If a man pursues absolute power over his family, and refuses to be accountable to anyone other than themselves, this is where abuse is most likely to take place.

Absolute power corrupts… absolutely.

We are all called to be accountable. In scripture, the assembly is governed by elders. 

1 Timothy 5:17 – Let the elders who rule well be counted worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in the word and doctrine

Elders are in a place of authority. In the same way Scripture commands wives to be submissive, it also says that we are also to be submissive to those who rule over us:

Hebrews 13:17 – Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 – And we urge you, brethren, to recognize those who labor among you, and are over you in the Master and admonish you,
 ¹³ and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake. Be at peace among yourselves.

But again, the elders themselves are appointed by the people:

Titus 1:5 – I left you in Crete, that you should set in order the things that are lacking, and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you–

And the elders must meet certain qualifications and have certain spiritual gifts to function in this position.

They must have the gift of teaching, the gift of admonition, and the gift of administrations.

And yes, they are supposed to be accountable also. As I said in the first segment, any abuse going on can be resolved by having a network of accountability in our lives.

Don’t allow your frustrations to turn into abuse. Yes, it may not be easy to change your habits, but it is absolutely imperative that you do.

You cannot willfully practice transgression of the law by oppressing and abusing your wife, and still call yourself a believer. You can see the scriptures.

Yahushua had more power than any human on the earth, and yet He didn’t use that power to harm His disciples when they were out of line

It is not the role of leaders to subdue others into submission. The husband is the shepherd of his home. Kepha writes:

1 Peter 5:2-3 – Shepherd the flock of Elohim which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly;
³ nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock;

The word translated “being lords” is:

2634 κατακυριεύω katakurieuo {kat-ak-oo-ree-yoo’-o} 

Meaning:  1) to bring under one’s power, to subject one’s self, to subdue, master 2) to hold in subjection, to be master of, exercise lordship over

This same word is used here:

Mat 20:25-28 – But Yahushua called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them.
²⁶ “Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant.
²⁷ “And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave–
²⁸ “just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

Notice that He stated that we need to be like the “Son of Man” who led by example and service as opposed to forcibly placing others under power. The role of the husband is to lead in this manner…as Messiah gave example. 

Again, if a wife is only making right choices because she is forced to, this is not helping her relationship with Yahweh to grow. The goal is that a wife will do what is right because she willingly submits herself to Yahweh. Men who control their wives are placing themselves in the position of Elohim

Also, the scriptures tell us to submit ourselves to every ordinance of man for the Master’s sake. 

1Pe 2:13-14 – Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Master’s sake, whether to the king as supreme,
¹⁴ or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good.

The scriptures never command a husband to subdue his wife or hit her (much to the contrary). 

In cases like these where a husband wants absolute power to abuse their family members, and are unwilling to submit to elders, I do often recommend contacting law enforcement.

Without some kind of accountability, some husbands will continue to see their role as a dictator with no accountability. And some will stop once they realize that they can no longer get away with it and the threat of criminal charges become a reality.

However, other husbands have difficulty controlling themselves or have no desire to. If your husband has a problem with self-control he may need to do things to demonstrate he will stop the behavior before being trusted that he will actually stop. In extreme cases a husband will murder his wife in order to prevent her from calling the police.

In such cases, I suggest doing a disappearing act at the appropriate time into some kind of battered women’s shelter or other safe place. We have, in the past, provided protection over women who were being physically abused.

As I said, a home filled with domestic violence sets a very poor example for children, and it hurts them to hear and see the things that they hear and see. If it is left unchecked, young men may be tempted to do the same to their future wives. This is because they have not seen how to respond and relate to a wife biblically. If they are daughters, they may have difficulty trusting in Yahweh later in life because the only male authority figure they have known was so damaging. 

If you are a wife who is being abused and oppressed, take this into consideration before putting up with more abuse. It’s not just about you, but about the example that is being set for your children…and the damage that is being done to them.

WHEN SPANKING A CHILD BECOMES ABUSE

Scripture does say that corporal punishment is appropriate toward children:

Proverbs 23:13-14 – Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.
 ¹⁴ You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell.

There are some who teach that the term “rod” doesn’t really mean an instrument with which you strike someone, but that belief is not possible to reconcile with the above verse.

We need to remember that the spanking is not for punitive actions but for training purposes. We want to cause a child to develop good habits rather than bad habits. It must also be accompanied with reproof. Not just spanking, but we should also take the time to reason with them.

Proverbs 29:15 – The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Spanking by itself doesn’t make a child want to serve Yahweh. It’s only a tool that is used to force a young child to do the right thing, whether he/she wants to or not. This, in turn, establishes a habit of doing what is right, and teaches them that there are consequences for doing wrong. 

Since this is already how Yahweh operates, and even the world itself operates under the rule of law, it establishes the idea in a child’s mind that there are consequences for doing wrong and blessings for doing right.

If we are only spanking for the purposes of a “power trip,” or “I’m bigger than you, that’s why,” it can turn the child into a bully who wants to do the same thing to others when he is big enough or old enough. Or, it can damages the heart and lead them into all kinds of temptations to choose rebellion when they are old enough to no longer be stopped.

Thus, they are actually being trained to do the opposite of what you are wanting them to do…pushing them in the wrong direction.

So while spanking is a biblically sanctioned form of punishment, there are times when spanking can become abusive:

When does Spanking become abusive?

• Spanking out of retaliation because you are personally hurt by the child’s disobedience. Don’t spank until you can detach yourself from the situation and approach it with love.
  
• Spanking in conjunction with verbal abuse.
  
• When the child doesn’t know what they did wrong.
  
• When the child is falsely accused
  
• Causing lasting harm to the child’s body
  

One might wonder, what does I mean by lasting harm? It is anything that’s going to hurt the child long term. But, how long term?

In my state of Missouri, spanking is permissible unless it leaves a mark on the child’s body. Because scripture says to submit yourselves to every ordinance of man, I would recommend that one obey this ordinance. Having your child taken away from you could do tremendous damage to the child, so it is better to follow the ordinance than to face child abuse charges or have your children taken from you. 

The goal of spanking is to provide firm boundaries so as to motivate the child to develop good habits. Habits that have the potential to affect them for the rest of their lives. 

Spanking done improperly only damages the heart. We are told not to provoke them to anger with our words, but I would also suggest that this includes actions as well.

Spanking a child out of carnal anger only provokes them to anger and causes them to feel bullied rather than corrected. Spanking a child in conjunction with verbal abuse only causes them to feel hurt all the more. And if a child is falsely accused or doesn’t know what they did wrong, it causes them to feel wronged… which only provokes them rather than trains them to develop good habits.

James 1:20 – for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of Elohim.

SEXUAL ABUSE

All abuse is ugly, whether it’s verbal abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse.  It’s all ugly.  But probably the most damaging of childhood abuses is sexual abuse.  

This is even more true if it’s by the very people who are supposed to love and nurture you. Parents are called to be Elohim’s representation in their lives, the ideal example of what a child is supposed to be, but this kind of abuse happening to a child causes TREMENDOUS damage and adds on top of that a pile of confusion in their young minds. 

Children ought to be learning how to ride bikes, playing and dancing outside in the breeze, catching butterflies and learning or exploring the simple things of life, rather than learning and exploring the things that only are supposed to be taking place between a man and his wife.

Sexual abuse is taking advantage of someone’s disadvantage. Children are vulnerable not only because smaller in size, but also because they are more easily manipulated or coerced into participating in the acts without a fight. So when when they get older and realize that they were taken advantage of, they struggle to process it. They are susceptible to feeling false guilt because their young minds have a hard time with blaming a caregiver or older person, whom they have been taught all their lives to respect.

Then there’s the fact that something has been stolen from them that they cannot get back… their innocence. Their first sexual experience was supposed to be with their spouse, not a caregiver or anyone else. It’s a tremendous act of betrayal. 

They were supposed to be loved, with their hearts directed toward purity, holiness and uprightness. Instead they were taught fornication, incest, defilement and they have little value.

It’s sick. It’s ugly. And probably one day will be normalized in our licentious culture. We see the beginnings of that already.

We need to protect our children from it. We need to guard them even if we offend people. Be on guard against letting your children spend the night with other families, even if you trust them. It’s better to offend someone else than to risk your child being the one offended and victimized.

We once showed a movie in our theater called “Trafficked: A Parent’s Worst Nightmare.” It’s based on true stories. A 16 year old girl thinks she’s going to meet up with a handsome boy on the social media. She gets into his car and while he is a handsome young man, he simply drives her somewhere to be sold into sex slavery. There, she is controlled with threats to harm her family, and with highly addictive drugs. Don’t think for a moment that this is an isolated incident. At the end of the movie, it states that 700-900,000 women and girls are trafficked every year. Many die at the hands of their traffickers.

Sometimes it’s the powers that be, politicians and even local law enforcement, that look the other way in exchange for sexual favors. 

It’s an epidemic in our nation and a sign that this nation is getting closer and closer to the highest possible level of moral depravity and decadence.

I don’t think that those who call themselves believers in Yahweh are immune to being tempted in these areas. I’ve never heard of people in our faith running a human trafficking ring, but a number of years ago there was a man who married a woman who already had young daughter, about 12 years of age. This man became attracted to the 12 year old daughter and after sending her love letters, ended up running off with her. Law enforcement hunted for him, I ended up creating a web site to help facilitate finding her, and eventually they traced him to a hotel in Oklahoma.

When confronted with law enforcement, they heard gunfire. Thankfully, she emerged unharmed. He had fatally shot himself in the head.

I cannot imagine the trauma that this young girl went through. She was innocent. He either somehow justified it all in his mind, or just gave up trying to be a servant of Yahweh and chose the darker side.

There is no force on earth quite like the force of sexual attraction. Pornography plays a role in leading people into more and more deviant forms of attraction. When men tire of women, they look to younger and younger, or they start lusting after other men or boys. Pornography is a curse on our nation, and a major contributor toward the oppression of women and children. Pornography, in itself, is an act of oppression towards women.

Men are called to be leading women into using their bodies for holiness, uprightness, and purity. If men were actually doing that, there would be almost no pornography.

I shouldn’t have to tell anyone that sexual abuse is wrong. But for anyone who might be somehow justifying your actions, I have a message for you.

First of all, it’s a transgression of the Torah to take a woman and her daughter. That eliminates the children of anyone you happen to be married to, even if they aren’t your natural born children.

Secondly, such actions are no different than rape. That’s why they call it statutory rape. Children and teens really do not have the mental capacity to make informed decisions in this area. 

It’s taking advantage of someone’s lack of knowledge, to feed one’s carnal desires.

US law puts the age of consent at age 18, but I put it at age 20. Or even better, I put it the age of consent to be however old someone happens to be on the day they get married.

But was is the actual minimum age for marriage? I’m going to demonstrate, from scripture, that the minimum age for marriage is age twenty. 

Let’s first examine the Hebrew word “taph,” which is typically translated “little ones.” It doesn’t actually mean “little ones,” but that’s how it is often translated.

Num. 14:31 – `But your little ones <#2945 taph>, whom you said would be victims, I will bring in, and they shall know the land which you have despised.

So how old was a person that the Hebrew language calls “taph?”

Num. 14:29 – `The carcasses of you who have complained against Me shall fall in this wilderness, all of you who were numbered, according to your entire number, from twenty years old and above.

Such persons were regarded as lacking proper knowledge of good and evil: 

Deut. 1:39 – `Moreover your little ones <#2945 taph> and your children, who you say will be victims, who today have no knowledge of good and evil, they shall go in there; to them I will give it, and they shall possess it.

So, those who are “taph” are those who have not yet developed properly knowledge of good and evil. For this reason, they lack the proper knowledge to enter into such a serious covenant as the covenant of marriage and then lead a family.

The Hebrew word “taph” literally means 

02945 טַף taph {taf}
Meaning: 1) children, little children, little ones 
Origin: from 02952 (perhaps referring to the tripping gait of children); TWOT – 821a; n m
Usage: AV – little ones 29, children 12, families 1; 42

The word is in reference to the smaller steps taken by young people. It is rooted in 2952:

02952 טָפַף taphaph {taw-faf’} 
Meaning: 1) (Qal) to skip, trip, take quick little steps
Origin: a primitive root; TWOT – 821; v
Usage: AV – mincing 1; 1

It is found in this verse:

Isa. 3:16 – Moreover Yahweh says: “Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, And walk with outstretched necks And wanton eyes, Walking and mincing as they go, Making a jingling with their feet,

But regardless of the exact meaning, one thing is clear: It’s exclusively used in reference to someone under the age of twenty. 

Only a person twenty years or older would have been counted as separate “families.” Such persons were also at the age for war:

Num. 1:2-3 – “Take a census of all the congregation of the children of Israel, by their families, by their fathers’ houses, according to the number of names, every male individually,
³ “from twenty years old and above– all who are able to go to war in Israel. You and Aaron shall number them by their armies.

Num. 1:17-18 – Then Moses and Aaron took these men who had been mentioned by name
¹⁸ and they assembled all the congregation together on the first day of the second month; and they recited their ancestry by families, by their fathers’ houses, according to the number of names, from twenty years old and above, each one individually.

During the first year of marriage, Yahweh commands that a man not be charged with going to war:

Deut. 24:5 – “When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.

This command would not make any sense if children were getting married. They weren’t even allowed to go to war in the first place.

So clearly something significant takes place. It’s the age that a person is no longer among the “taph” and they become a man & woman.

Gen. 2:24 – Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

“A man” (ish) shall leave his parents and be joined to his wife/woman “ishah.” 

Nowhere in scripture do we find a “taph” leaving his parents and getting married, and I can’t find a single place in scripture where a “taph” is even considered a man or woman.

In every case, a “taph” is distinguished from men and women. 

Here are some examples:

Deut. 2:34 – “We took all his cities at that time, and we utterly destroyed the men, women, and little ones <#2945 taph> of every city; we left none remaining.

Exod. 12:37 – Then the children of Israel journeyed from Rameses to Succoth, about six hundred thousand men on foot, besides children <#2945 taph>

Deut. 31:12 – “Gather the people together, men and women and little ones, and the stranger who is within your gates, that they may hear and that they may learn to fear Yahweh your Mighty One and carefully observe all the words of this law,

Jer. 40:7 – And when all the captains of the armies who were in the fields, they and their men, heard that the king of Babylon had made Gedaliah the son of Ahikam governor in the land, and had committed to him men, women, children <#2945 taph>, and the poorest of the land who had not been carried away captive to Babylon

Persons who are “taph” are considered to be a separate class of people, under twenty years of age.

“Little ones” is not actually an accurate translation. What is meant would mean “teens and little children” since “Taph” is used to describe the group of people under twenty years of age.

If you look at the secular history of the Jewish and Christian people, both of them made a habit of marrying even early teen girls. Even in our country, it is still legal for a adult man to marry a fifteen year old girl in some states, as long as there is parental permission.

However, I cannot find an example in scripture where a teenager got married. If anyone can find an example, I would be interested in seeing it. 

In the New Testament, Paul indicates that someone must be a certain age to get married:

1 Cor. 7:36 – But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry.

Notice that it says “if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be.” In other words, a female needs to be a certain age before getting married.

The Greek word used here is a rare word, but the definition is as follows:

5230 ὑπέρακμος huperakmos {hoop-er’-ak-mos} 

Meaning: 1) beyond the bloom or prime of life 2) overripe, plump and ripe, (and so in a greater danger of defilement) 2a) of a virgin 
Origin: from 5228 and the base of 188;; adj

The word has to do with something that is ripe or overripe. Some have mistakenly believed that the term “flower” is in reference to the KJV description of a woman in her menstrual cycle:

Lev. 15:24 – And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days;

But would our Heavenly Father really approve of marrying very young girls, even as young as ten years old or less? Not so.

Notice in the above lexicon it says “from 5228 and the base of 188.” This means the word “huperakmos” is a combination of two words. 

5228 ὑπέρ huper {hoop-er’} 
Meaning: 1) in behalf of, for the sake of 2) over, beyond, more than 3) more, beyond, over 
188 ἀκμήν akmen {ak-mane’} 
Meaning: 1) a point 2) extremity, climax, acme, highest degree 3) the present time 
Origin: accusative case of a noun (“acme”) akin to ake (a point) and meaning the same;; adv

Looking at these two words, the literal meaning of Huperakmos would appear to mean “Beyond the highest degree, or point.”

If we considered the growth of a child, twenty years of age would make sense as a point to where a person is considered fully grown and will not be growing any more. 

However, even if a person is physically reached maturity, there is a certain level of mental maturity that must be reached. Science now tells us the brain continues to develop until a person is 25 years of age. But since Yahweh allows marriage between people 20 years and older, Yahweh has judged a person’s mind to be sufficiently developed to handle marriage and family. 

In seeking out a marriage partner, Yahweh has given parents the right of refusal, as even 1 Corinthians 7:36 indicates:

1 Cor. 7:36 – But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry.

Notice that the text says, “Let them marry.” The parents do not choose their children’s spouse, but they do have the right of refusal if the parents deem someone to be a harmful person to marry. This protects their sons and daughters from making a wrong decision, especially at an age where the brain is still developing.

Another scripture also points to a point past the onset of puberty as the appropriate age for marriage:

Ezek. 16:4-8 – “As for your nativity, on the day you were born your navel cord was not cut, nor were you washed in water to cleanse you; you were not rubbed with salt nor wrapped in swaddling cloths.
⁵ “No eye pitied you, to do any of these things for you, to have compassion on you; but you were thrown out into the open field, when you yourself were loathed on the day you were born.
⁶ “And when I passed by you and saw you struggling in your own blood, I said to you in your blood,`Live!’ Yes, I said to you in your blood,`Live!’
⁷ “I made you thrive like a plant in the field; and you grew, matured, and became very beautiful. Your breasts were formed, your hair grew, but you were naked and bare.
⁸ “When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,” says the Master Yahweh.

This text is an allegory in that He is describing the nation of Israel like He would a young girl. Notice that 

Yahweh did not enter into a covenant with her for marriage during the time that “breasts were formed and hair grew.” This would be in the middle to late teens, depending on when puberty began. He did not marry her at that time.

He later passed by again and saw that her time was the “time for love.” So once again it appears that the time for entering into marriage is past the point of the only consistent biblical definition of childhood, the Hebrew word “taph.” 

Once a person is past the point of “taph,” they are fully accountable and are able to enter into the marriage covenant as a man or a woman.

So by all appearances, the full counsel of scripture points to twenty years of age as the minimum age for marriage. 

Some young people may find it difficult to wait until twenty years of age to marry, but this is an opportunity to develop the discipline and self control a person needs to be faithful to their future spouse. It’s also a time for young people to really learn about themselves and discover what kind of vision and purpose Yahweh has for their lives. Whomever they marry will be the kind of person that will compliment their vision and their purpose in life. 

Now I have said all of these things because I wanted to say this: If you are allowing your heart to lust for a person under the age of 20 years, you are committing sexual abuse in your heart. A person under the age of 20 is just as off limits as a man lusting for another man, or a man lusting for a beast, or a man lusting for his own sister. Persons under the age of 20 are forbidden. 

In the same way that lusting after an adult woman is adultery in your heart, lusting after a person under the age of 20 is sexual abuse along with adultery or fornication in your heart.

So for anyone having this problem, understand that girls are completely forbidden until adulthood. Give it up. Reject it in the name of Yahushua.

In light of this, pornography websites with 18 and 19 year old girls on it are promoting the sexual abuse of children. I don’t care if the world deems 18 years of age to be the age of adulthood. Scripture says differently, and actually until the 1970’s the age of adulthood in America was 21!

Again, porn sites with adult females are actually promoting the sexual abuse of women. It’s wrong. It’s the same spirit behind it all. The doctrine being promoted is that women and girls are objects for man’s pleasure, rather than human beings to be protected and guarded against sexual pleasure from anyone other than their husband on their wedding day.

Contrary to cultural norms today, the worth of a woman or girl is not based on the pleasure she gives men with her physical appearance. This is a damnable idea.

Carnal men need to align themselves with the mind of Yahweh. Yahweh doesn’t look at the outward appearance, but He looks at the heart. When He looks at the female gender, He sees a soul worth saving. He sees a heart worth healing. He sees a heart worth cleansing. 

Every woman and girl He created is worthy of being respected, valued and cherished. Yahushua, who died for each and every one of them, proved that. For men to treat them any differently is to walk contrary to Yahushua.

It angers Yahweh when men take advantage of another person’s disadvantage. In the case of sexual abuse, children are mentally and physically at disadvantage.They may not realize it until they are older what was done to them, in the same way Noah didn’t realize he was being taken advantage of by his son Ham until he awoke from his wine. And when they are old enough to realize it, they will be horrified and tremendous damage typically ensues.

When it comes to lust, don’t look at the outward appearance, as distracting as it may be. Instead, focus on the person. Their hearts. Who they really are and not what they are, not what they do to feed your carnal desires.

If you are married, only then you can enjoy the outward appearance. If you are married, if ever that feeling of lust toward a female rises up in your heart, redirect all of that energy into the one that Yahweh gave you. That’s who it’s for, and no one else.

If you are unmarried, learn to bring your body into subjection. That’s what Paul did. It takes discipline:

1 Corinthians 9:27 –  But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.

And remember, that body you are living in, that temporary house with all it’s wicked lusts and carnal desires.. scripture says it’s dead:

Colossians 3:2-5 – Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.
 ³ For you died, and your life is hidden with Messiah in Elohim.
 ⁴ When Messiah who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.
 ⁵ Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

Romans 6:1-3 – What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?
 ² Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?
 ³ Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Messiah Yahushua were baptized into His death?

Romans 6:4-5 – Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Messiah was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
 ⁵ For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection,

Romans 6:6-7 – knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.
 ⁷ For he who has died has been freed from sin.

Romans 6:8-10 – Now if we died with Messiah, we believe that we shall also live with Him,
 ⁹ knowing that Messiah, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him.
 ¹⁰ For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to Elohim.

Romans 6:11-13 –  Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to Elohim in Messiah Yahushua our Master.
 ¹² Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts.
 ¹³ And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to Elohim as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to Elohim.

Yahweh gave us our bodies to be instruments of righteousness. That’s the bottom line here. We need to possess our vessels in sanctification and honor:

1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 – For this is the will of Elohim, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;
 ⁴ that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,
 ⁵ not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know Elohim;
 ⁶ that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because Yahweh is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified.

Being that it’s dead, all the passions of wrongful lust that it has are dead also. If it were not for wrongful lusts, there would not be sexual abuse, so I am trying to get to the core matter here.

All abuse is ugly, but this form of abuse is a sin against the child, a sin against your own body, and a sin against the body of Yahushua:

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 – Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.
 ¹⁹ Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from Elohim, and you are not your own?
 ²⁰ For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify Elohim in your body and in your spirit, which are Elohim’s.

We are supposed to glorify Yahweh with our bodies, using them as instruments of righteousness, not instruments to inflict painful memories on the child that could damage them for the rest of their lives. 

And remember that Yahweh is the avenger of such, and at this He has people in place to avenge for the sin you have committed against the body of a child, and the body of Yahushua the Messiah.

Romans 13:3-4 – For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same.
 ⁴ For he is Elohim’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is Elohim’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil.

Yahushua said:

Luke 17:1-2 – Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!
 ² “It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

The companion verse in Matthew says:

Matthew 18:6-7 – “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
 ⁷ “Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!

Matthew 18:8-10 – “If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life lame or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet, to be cast into the everlasting fire.
 ⁹ “And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes, to be cast into hell fire.
 ¹⁰ “Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven.

It may very well be that Yahushua was speaking of sexual abuse when He spoke these words. It was all regarding actions done to children. Actions done with the eye, the hand and the foot. Let not your eye sin with lust, your hand sin with sexual abuse, nor let your feet go where they have no business going.

The angels of a child always see the face of Yahweh who is in heaven, therefore if nothing else motivates you I hope that at least the fear of Elohim will.

Scripture teaches that our bodies are not our own, and therefore, it is important that we not only care for and treat our own bodies with respect, we must also be respectful that another person’s body is to be treated with respect as well.

Taking advantage of someone’s disadvantage is the central reason why oppression takes place. It’s why Israel was defenseless against the Egyptians, why the fatherless and the widow were vulnerable to being oppressed, why David’s son Amnon was able to take advantage of his sister:

2 Samuel 13:1-3 – After this Absalom the son of David had a lovely sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her.
 ² Amnon was so distressed over his sister Tamar that he became sick; for she was a virgin. And it was improper for Amnon to do anything to her.
 ³ But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Now Jonadab was a very crafty man.

2 Samuel 13:4-5 – And he said to him, “Why are you, the king’s son, becoming thinner day after day? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”
 ⁵ So Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him,`Please let my sister Tamar come and give me food, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.'”

2 Samuel 13:11-13 – Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.”
 ¹² And she answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing!
 ¹³ “And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.”

2 Samuel 13:14-15 – However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her.
 ¹⁵ Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone!”

The unclean spirit of lust was strong in this man, Amnon. He seemed to be willingly controlled by it. And really it all started with David. David set the example in his household of taking advantage of a vulnerable person by taking Bathsheba for himself and killing her husband. 

This set off a chain of events that reverberated throughout the rest of his life as a king. He allowed lust to cause him to oppress, this spirit of lust also affected his firstborn son, Amnon. David didn’t seem to do anything about Amnon’s sin, perhaps because he himself felt guilty for setting a bad example. That upset his other son, Absalom. Absalom ended up killing the rapist Amnon, and then Absalom stole the heart of Israel to turn away from David. Absalom then laid with David’s concubines on the very roof that David used to lust after Bathsheba.

And it all started with David’s willingness to look at pornography. Live pornography in this case. Don’t go there, men and young men. It can take you places that you never thought you would go. Both in your own behavior and in the consequences you will have in your life. And it can affect your sons also.

It isn’t worth it.

But in all of these things that I’ve spoken regarding the different forms of abuse, while I hope that I have successfully put a proper fear of Yahweh in the hearts of those who would choose to abuse, what I really would hope be the most motivating factor in your lives is this:

LOVE

Romans 13:10 – Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

You cannot be a torah keeper if you are doing that which is harmful to another person. All abuse is doing harm to another. And I hope that after we have seen the dangers of walking in abuse, and what Yahweh says about it, we will look to something that should turn out to be a far greater motivator than the fear of consequences. And that’s love.

If you love children, how could you ever do them harm? Here they are, they didn’t ask to be born. They didn’t ask to have you as their parent. Their minds are so much purer than our own, they are full of wonder at this world that Yahweh has created for them to enjoy. Don’t do them harm. Love them. Nurture them. Smile at them and enjoy being in their precious presence as a loving parent, relative or friend.

This world is already full of grief, full of hurt, and full of hurting people. Let’s allow our children’s lives to be filled with love. That will soften the blow when they get older and experience hurtful people. If you hurt them and others hurt them, you are giving them a miserable existence.

Love them. They will need all the love they can get. Show them that Yahweh, the Elohim you serve, is an Elohim of love and that He is love. Spank them when they are belligerent or rebellious but don’t hurt their little hearts. Love them. Love them and show respect for their boundaries. They are human beings just like you, and every bit as important and valued.

Yes, in all that I have said during these four segments, let it be that what you are really hearing is my call to walk in love. When others aren’t being loving to us, and it’s hard for you to love them, let the love that comes from Yahweh flow through you…and to them. It’s their only hope.

Love is truly our only hope. And Yahweh gives it to us in abundance. Share it, live it, model it. In all it’s heights, widths, lengths and depths.

Ephesians 3:14-21 – For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Master Yahushua Messiah,
 ¹⁵ from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
 ¹⁶ that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man,
 ¹⁷ that Messiah may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
 ¹⁸ may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height–
 ¹⁹ to know the love of Messiah which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of Elohim.
 ²⁰ Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,
 ²¹ to Him be glory in the assembly by Messiah Yahushua to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

In our next segment, I will be talking to those of you who are currently in an abusive situation and what I believe scriptures says you should do about it.

And I will also be sharing how one can be healed from the wounds of abuse. Yahushua promises to be a source for healing. I’ll share how to receive that healing from Him.

Until then, may the love that comes from Yahweh purify us, sanctify us, and ultimately unify us.